100 Books Like Developing Your Conflict Competence

This book inspired me personally and it has changed how I coach people to think about managing their stress and building their resilience. Especially as you step out of your comfort zone and lead in a new way, in a new area, stress will be high. Cassie’s research clearly shows that what we need to manage stress, to feel good about our lives as a whole, and to be our best self as a leader isn’t as hard as you think. The secret is 2 hours of time each day doing things you enjoy – work included.  

This book gives exactly the lift you need to believe you can do more. There are inspiring, short stories of things leaders have done and the impact it left on the author. I like the personal take on each chapter. It’s very readable and very relatable. Read a chapter, share a chapter with your team, talk about what you liked with others. It’s a great way to get a quick uplift without fretting over not finishing the book.  

This book was like a light bulb switched on suddenly in my brain. Free-floating feelings of uncertainty and anxiety about the decisions I was making and the inexplicable state of our world were literally keeping me up at night. Questions I’d been asking of myself, and of no one in particular, amounted to general complaints: ‘Why is this happening?’ ‘Where is all the anger coming from?’ ‘When will things get better?’

What I learned was the importance of going deeper and asking questions that might actually lead to answers. Or at least to gain an understanding of someone else’s perspective. And definitely to have a clearer insight into my own beliefs and motivations. I learned that asking more resulted in replacing my perpetual sense of uncertainty with something more useful and actionable.

Everyone wants to have more influence, be more persuasive, sell their ideas better and have greater impact. Richard Shell is one of the smartest people I have ever met on how influence works. I think I know a good bit about the topic and I learn something every time I talk with him. This is my favorite among his many books on influence – there are many and you cannot go wrong with any of them.  

Adoption and change often lead to the kind of conflict that regularly breaks people.

I find that creators are often equipped to deal with technical creation, but are rarely equipped to deal with conflict. In this book, Amanda Ripley walks through how several skilled professionals found themselves in conflict.

Then she walks through how those conflicts started, who the players are, how they interact, how to engage in healthy conflict, and eventually how to get back out again.

Many of my peers in open-source technology, especially creators of languages and frameworks, find themselves in conflict and don’t have the tools to deal with it.

This book helped me think of conflict in a systematic way, and how to plot a course back out again. 

This book is not about America, and not directly about politics or political polarization. It's a well-known conflict resolution book. I included it because I think it might help some people see our divides through a different and more healthy lens. 

This book uses an engaging fictional premise to walk through some important points about resolving conflict. For example, it talks about how even when we're sure we're right in a conflict (as most people in conflicts tend to be), we may still be wrong in how we treat others. And it talks about how our animosity and contempt towards others can cause them to behave in the very ways that most upset us.

A practical guide to understanding yourself, understanding others, and how to improve workplace relationships through better communication.

If you’ve been in the workplace for any length of time, you know that collaboration is a must for career success and that there’s usually at least one challenging person that can destroy trust and tank your productivity. In this book, you’ll learn strategies for identifying the eight types of difficult co-workers and gain insights into their motivations.

She also provides actionable advice for how to step into these difficult conversations, so you can build better relationships. 

Immerse yourself in the profound teachings of Morihei Ueshiba, the founder of Aikido, with The Art of Peace.

This inspiring collection of aphorisms, poetry, and philosophical musings explores the principles of harmony, non-violence, and the interconnectedness of all beings. Ueshiba's wisdom transcends martial arts, offering valuable guidance for navigating life's challenges with grace, compassion, and inner strength.

Accessible and thought-provoking, The Art of Peace invites readers to embrace a more harmonious way of living. To be honest, I found this book watching the famous The Walking Dead TV-Shows. Like many, I wanted to start with Aikido immediately, but I ended up reading this book and was not disappointed.

As this book is basically a collection of quotes, I found it inspirational to read on a quiet evening. Ueshibas words touched me, although I am not into martial arts, because they are full of compassion and inner strengths.

With all that has been written about religion as a cause of violence, here are two volumes of case studies about how religion is used by individuals on the ground to stop violence. The case studies feature the heroic individuals in the Peacemakers in Action Network of the Tanenbaum Center for Interreligious Understanding. They operate in conflict zones around the world and this book reveals the methods and techniques they use to transform conflicts. I founded Tanenbaum in 1992 and this signature program was inspired and guided by the late Ambassador Richard Holbrooke.

William Ury is widely appreciated for collaborating with Roger Fisher to offer effective conflict resolution guidance (see Getting to Yes). I have long taught their concepts and methods in my leadership courses. This book is a culmination of Ury’s incredible career of helping groups resolve an array of conflicts, including the most intractable (in Columbia, for example). 

Ury describes himself as a “possibilist” who believes the most daunting conflicts can be sustainably resolved via three “victories”–getting on the balcony to more fully understand the perspectives of the warring parties, building a bridge among the parties, and engaging more neutral stakeholders. 

This book lifts my spirits at a time when some powerful individuals and groups are operating from a win-lose, zero-sum mentality that too easily devolves into a lose-lose for all. I vote with Ury for a transformational, win-win mentality.