100 Books Like Getting Along

This book literally changed my life and my relationships with myself and others forever. Before this book, I was living my life through the filters of my stories of right and wrong, how things ‘should’ be done, and doing my best to trust my instincts and intuition. I underestimated the power of words, including my words. I made assumptions about people and situations, and autopilot guided my path through the best and worst of challenges and opportunities.

This book, along with the Fifth Agreement, opened my mind to the human condition of subconscious programming. I read the book, listened to the book, and listened to the book while reading the book to deeply embrace the truths presented.

Thanks to all books published by the Ruiz family, which share the Toltec traditions with the world, I have found grace and compassion for the weight and impact of my own stories,… show more.

I love this book because it gave me a roadmap for navigating the conversations I used to dread, many of which involve ethics.

As a supervisor and leader, I’ve faced moments where my voice was shaky, my palms were sweaty (think “Mom’s spaghetti”), and my brain was frantically trying to script the “perfect” thing to say. Crucial Conversations reminded me that it’s not about perfect—it’s about being present, showing up, and having the conversation even when it is difficult.

This book highlights the importance of inviting different perspectives into tricky conversations. I’ve used its tools to prepare for and navigate tricky conversations in a collaborative way, focused on shared goals, mutual respect, and safety—even when emotions run high. It’s my “conversation courage” handbook.

By exploring the different levels of consciousness and how they manifest in our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, you will gain insights into your patterns of communication and how they impact the people around you.

It teaches you to be more mindful of your interactions with others, how to be more present and attentive in conversations, and to be able to see how you are perceived when communicating. And as you raise your level of consciousness, you will naturally become a more intentional, empathic, and compassionate communicator. 

I was hooked from page one because Scott speaks my language: Care deeply, challenge directly.

That simple but powerful equation shifted how I give feedback, especially around ethical blind spots or dilemmas. I used to over-polish my words, trying to soften every edge. I often conflated nice with kind.

Now, I understand that nice is not the same as kind, and nice is very often not helpful at all. Kindness is showing up and being clear in my communication, which means I am treating people with respect and giving feedback they can use to grow.

Radical Candor gave me permission to be both direct and deeply human, which is exactly what I want in my leadership style.

Adoption and change often lead to the kind of conflict that regularly breaks people.

I find that creators are often equipped to deal with technical creation, but are rarely equipped to deal with conflict. In this book, Amanda Ripley walks through how several skilled professionals found themselves in conflict.

Then she walks through how those conflicts started, who the players are, how they interact, how to engage in healthy conflict, and eventually how to get back out again.

Many of my peers in open-source technology, especially creators of languages and frameworks, find themselves in conflict and don’t have the tools to deal with it.

This book helped me think of conflict in a systematic way, and how to plot a course back out again. 

To do more and to lead a team of experts, conflict is necessary to get a great outcome. Some people are comfortable with conflict, some are not. Either way, as a leader, you need a toolkit on what to do and not to do to de-escalate tension and develop healthy debate. This book is the best toolkit I know. 

This book is not about America, and not directly about politics or political polarization. It's a well-known conflict resolution book. I included it because I think it might help some people see our divides through a different and more healthy lens. 

This book uses an engaging fictional premise to walk through some important points about resolving conflict. For example, it talks about how even when we're sure we're right in a conflict (as most people in conflicts tend to be), we may still be wrong in how we treat others. And it talks about how our animosity and contempt towards others can cause them to behave in the very ways that most upset us.

In contracting, lawyers are often the heavies that swoop in at the end of the negotiation with risk-averse and protective conditions that can delay or derail a strategic business relationship. This book is the top pick on my list because Kim Wright advocates for organizations (and lawyers themselves!) to make the shift to a holistic, problem-solving approach. I am a strong believer in a kinder, gentler legal involvement at the beginning of the negotiation designed to help contracting parties solve problems and issues jointly. Wright eloquently makes her case on why the shift is needed. After you read this book you too will see the need for the shift of focus away from traditional contracting paradigms.

With all that has been written about religion as a cause of violence, here are two volumes of case studies about how religion is used by individuals on the ground to stop violence. The case studies feature the heroic individuals in the Peacemakers in Action Network of the Tanenbaum Center for Interreligious Understanding. They operate in conflict zones around the world and this book reveals the methods and techniques they use to transform conflicts. I founded Tanenbaum in 1992 and this signature program was inspired and guided by the late Ambassador Richard Holbrooke.

Douglas Fry is a paleoanthropologist who shows unambiguously that war is a modern human invention.  Before the advent of agriculture there was no war. There was often violence – bumping off a resource-draining grandmother – but no systematic fighting and killing. With agriculture came an exploding population, nowhere to flee and hide, and fixed assets that you just couldn’t pick up and leave. But as starting war is a function of culture, so ending war is a function of culture. The United Nations is not perfect, but it has been hugely important in reducing conflict.