Here are 100 books that How to Be an Adult in Relationships fans have personally recommended if you like
How to Be an Adult in Relationships.
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I’ve spent a lot of my career teaching people to navigate the complex, often messy intersection of ethics, communication, and human behavior. As a behavior analyst, teacher, supervisor, and coauthor of Daily Ethics: Creating Intentional Practice for Behavior Analysts, I’ve seen firsthand how the ability to have honest, compassionate, and courageous conversations can make or break relationships, teams, and outcomes. I chose these five books because they’ve shaped how I show up in my work and life—and because I have seen their contents help others become more intentional, committed, and successful communicators.
I recommend this book because it taught me that every hard conversation has three layers: what happened, what’s felt, and what that means to each person.
Before reading it, I often got stuck on the “facts” and missed the emotional undercurrent, especially for my communication partner.
Now, I approach challenging discussions with a mental checklist from Difficult Conversations that helps me listen for what’s beneath the words. It has saved me from countless misunderstandings and made me a much better listener and collaborator.
The 10th-anniversary edition of the New York Times business bestseller-now updated with "Answers to Ten Questions People Ask"
We attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day-whether dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with a spouse, or negotiating with a client. From the Harvard Negotiation Project, the organization that brought you Getting to Yes, Difficult Conversations provides a step-by-step approach to having those tough conversations with less stress and more success. you'll learn how to:
· Decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation · Start a conversation without defensiveness · Listen for the meaning of what is not said ·…
It is April 1st, 2038. Day 60 of China's blockade of the rebel island of Taiwan.
The US government has agreed to provide Taiwan with a weapons system so advanced that it can disrupt the balance of power in the region. But what pilot would be crazy enough to run…
I’ve spent a lot of my career teaching people to navigate the complex, often messy intersection of ethics, communication, and human behavior. As a behavior analyst, teacher, supervisor, and coauthor of Daily Ethics: Creating Intentional Practice for Behavior Analysts, I’ve seen firsthand how the ability to have honest, compassionate, and courageous conversations can make or break relationships, teams, and outcomes. I chose these five books because they’ve shaped how I show up in my work and life—and because I have seen their contents help others become more intentional, committed, and successful communicators.
This book changed how I think about language, particularly during high-stakes conversations that involve ethics.
I didn’t just learn about nonviolent communication—I started noticing all the subtle ways judgment, blame, and assumptions creep into everyday communication. Rosenberg’s approach made me more curious and less reactive, which has been a gift in my professional and personal life.
When I apply the book’s principles, I feel like I’m speaking in a way that builds connection instead of walls. It’s not always easy or comfy, but it’s always worth it.
5,000,000 COPIES SOLD WORLDWIDE • TRANSLATED IN MORE THAN 35 LANGUAGES
What is Violent Communication?
If “violent” means acting in ways that result in hurt or harm, then much of how we communicate—judging others, bullying, having racial bias, blaming, finger pointing, discriminating, speaking without listening, criticizing others or ourselves, name-calling, reacting when angry, using political rhetoric, being defensive or judging who’s “good/bad” or what’s “right/wrong” with people—could indeed be called “violent communication.”
What is Nonviolent Communication?
Nonviolent Communication is the integration of four things:
• Consciousness: a set of principles that support living a life of compassion, collaboration, courage, and…
As a human, I struggle with staying connected during conflict. Because conflict naturally shows up in all relationships, I had to figure out how to do it better, or die alone! My path has woven through studying conflict resolution, becoming a relationship therapist, doing deep learning within my own life partnership, and exploring the realm of somatic psychology in my doctoral work. I long for a world where we have the skills we need to work through conflict without resorting to violence. In my dreams, the world is able to coexist with love and conflict. Our relationships thrive when we speak our full truth, and embody our values in action.
The theme of this book is growing up and relating in a way that honors your own integrity.
Menakem is a relationship therapist and a long-time married person who promotes the idea of clean pain vs. dirty pain. Clean pain is doing the hard work of speaking what is true for you in your relationship. Dirty pain is blaming or manipulating your partner.
With a rare and rigorous honesty, I learned from this book that conflict is actually necessary for healthy relationships.
Conflict is a natural part of any intimate relationship. Yet most couples either avoid it or try to smooth over their differences. This results in at least one partner compromising their integrity-and stunting their own growth.
Monsters in Love challenges the idea that conflict between partners is unhealthy or something to avoid. Instead, it encourages both people to stand by what they need and who they are-but to do so with compassion rather than competitiveness or vengefulness. This is the purpose of an intimate relationship: to create an atmosphere where both people learn to grow up and mature in their…
A Duke with rigid opinions, a Lady whose beliefs conflict with his, a long disputed parcel of land, a conniving neighbour, a desperate collaboration, a failure of trust, a love found despite it all.
Alexander Cavendish, Duke of Ravensworth, returned from war to find that his father and brother had…
As a human, I struggle with staying connected during conflict. Because conflict naturally shows up in all relationships, I had to figure out how to do it better, or die alone! My path has woven through studying conflict resolution, becoming a relationship therapist, doing deep learning within my own life partnership, and exploring the realm of somatic psychology in my doctoral work. I long for a world where we have the skills we need to work through conflict without resorting to violence. In my dreams, the world is able to coexist with love and conflict. Our relationships thrive when we speak our full truth, and embody our values in action.
I grew up in the midwest, where conflict is to be avoided at all costs.
Reading this book helped me understand that conflict is really about our deepest longings, and our fears that they will not be met. Through developing tolerance for being in direct conflict and skills to work through it, conflict becomes a friend instead of an enemy.
The Crossroads of Conflict: A Journey into the Heart of Dispute Resolution (Second Edition) describes all conflicts as “crossroads” and catalysts for learning, evolution, growth, and wisdom. It shows how to locate the root sources of conflict and remove the barriers to forgiveness and reconciliation, collaboration, and community.
Ken Cloke’s analysis of the inner sources of chronic conflict and ideas for a unified theory for resolving conflict is groundbreaking and destined to become a cornerstone of the future of dispute resolution.
I’ve spent most of my career helping companies figure out how to become more relevant to their customers. And the more time I spent understanding what makes a brand relevant, the more I realized it was the same thing that makes a life relevant.
Just as a brand needs to uniquely give something to its customers, human beings also need to give in some way to be relevant in this world.
So if what I write—and the books I recommend—can even in the smallest way guide some company or individual toward a more important, more meaningful, more relevant life…well then, I guess my job here will be done.
Goff teaches readers how to love everyone, no matter what.
He emphasizes the importance of showing love and kindness to those who may be difficult to love and even those who may have hurt us in the past.
As someone who likes to be a people-pleaser, this book really resonated with me. It's a reminder that we're all human, and we all make mistakes. By choosing to love everybody always, we can create a world filled with compassion and understanding.
For anyone looking to improve their relationships and become more relevant to the people around them, this book is for you.
When you learn how to love everyone—even the difficult people—you’ll discover that’s where a life of fearlessness can be lived.
What if we stopped avoiding the difficult people in our lives and committed to simply loving everybody? What happens when we give away love like we're made of it? In Everybody, Always, Bob Goff's joyful New York Times bestselling follow-up to Love Does, you'll discover the secret to living without fear, constraint, or worry.
Bob teaches us that the path toward the outsized, unfettered, liberated existence we all long for is found in one simple truth: love people, even the difficult ones, without distinction and without limits.
In Everybody, Always, Bob shows us the simple truths about life that have…
Coming-of-age stories fascinate me because they are all so different. While we each experience many of the same events, each person’s story is unique. I like to read about how they first understood love or how they met their best friend. I like to try on their life for a bit, walk around in their shoes, and then return to my reality with the person I’ve worked so hard to become. The more I read other people’s stories of growing up, the more I feel we all harbor the same worries about ourselves and our future. We all struggle with similar problems while becoming who we’re meant to be.
I was completely enthralled by Levithan’s main character, A, and how they become a different person every day. The idea of falling in love or having a career or even pursuing an interest—a sport, an instrument, an art form—becomes impossible when you live a life like A does.
I related to the idea that A couldn’t present as an individual, that they could only be whoever they ended up being for the day. Starting over every 24 hours was worse than waking up every morning as the same wrong person. At least I had the benefits of making friends, learning guitar, and having a family. The story made me so sad for A’s loneliness yet made me feel much less alone.
Every day a different body. Every day a different life. Every day in love with the same girl.
There’s never any warning about where it will be or who it will be. A has made peace with that, even established guidelines by which to live: Never get too attached. Avoid being noticed. Do not interfere. It’s all fine until the morning that A wakes up in the body of Justin and meets Justin’s girlfriend, Rhiannon. From that moment, the rules by which A has been living no longer apply. Because finally A has found someone he wants to be with—day…
The Duke's Christmas Redemption
by
Arietta Richmond,
A Duke who has rejected love, a Lady who dreams of a love match, an arranged marriage, a house full of secrets, a most unneighborly neighbor, a plot to destroy reputations, an unexpected love that redeems it all.
Lady Charlotte Wyndham, given in an arranged marriage to a man she…
The 14th century had it all: the 100 Years' War, near-constant famines, and, of course, the Black Plague. As a medievalist studying the art of the time, I was struck by the representations of Death that emerged from this near-perfect storm of misery. Yes, Death was often portrayed accompanied by demons and devils, lumped willy-nilly with evil. But it was more often portrayed in the Danse Macabre as a skeletal partner, leading everyone—Pope and Emperor, Lord and Laborer—on a merry dance. I know it was meant as a warning, but I found the Danse Macabre to be oddly comforting, a vision of an ultimate democracy, with Death the final partner and companion to us all.
Leavitt’s story is a fairytale and like all good fairytales, there is a handsome prince except this one is played by Lord Death himself.
I love Keturah. She is brave enough not to be afraid and big-hearted enough to see beyond Death’s terrifying purpose to the underlying sadness of the feared and hated outsider. Through the course of the book, she also comes to appreciate the meaning he brings to life.
“It was Death who…made her see the sun in the blue sky and hear the trees in a spring wind. He made her see how much she loved her friends…Made her love the breath in her lungs. She knew she had never been truly alive as when she met him. Never so happy and content with her lot until she was touched by the sorrow of him.”
A young woman makes a bargain with Death himself-and only true love can set her free-in this spellbinding YA fantasy romance for fans of Robin McKinley.
For most of her sixteen years, beautiful Keturah Reeves has mesmerized the villagers with her gift for storytelling. But when she becomes hopelessly lost in the king's forest, her strength all but diminished, she must spin the most important of tale of life. With her fate hanging in the balance, she charms Death himself-a handsome, melancholy, and stern lord-with a story of a love so true that he agrees to…
All my life, I struggled to connect with people, but love and friendship evaded me. I constantly hurt others. Relationships were like a language I couldn’t understand. When people loved me, I knew that they were mistaken, because I was unlovable. Then, a neuroscientist told me something that changed my life: The way we connect with others—the oxytocin response—is wired into our brains in the first few years of life, before we can form conscious memories. That set me on the path of studying the neuroscience of love and connection. And I learned something amazing: I could change that wiring and learn to love.
When I was researching oxytocin, I traveled to Chicago and met John Cacioppo, a scientist who showed how loneliness affects our bodies and brains. So, I was intrigued to find this book by his wife, written after he died, that’s both science and a memoir of their marriage. A social neuroscientist, Stephanie Cacioppo explains why love is a biological necessity.
Love activates 12 specific brain regions, while desire has its own complementary brain circuits. Dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin come in for discussion, but this book focuses mainly on the activities of our brains, with surprising info, for example, that thinking about a loved one improves our cognitive ability. The combo of the personal and the scientific, along with research studies, makes for a good read.
From the world’s foremost neuroscientist of romantic love comes a personal story of connection and heartbreak that brings new understanding to an old truth: better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
At thirty-seven, Dr. Stephanie Cacioppo was content to be single. She was fulfilled by her work on the neuroscience of romantic love―how finding and growing with a partner literally reshapes our brains. That was, until she met the foremost neuroscientist of loneliness. A whirlwind romance led to marriage and to sharing an office at the University of Chicago. After seven years of being…
As an author, speaker, and teacher of love, my life purpose revolves around the belief that love and acceptance are the keys to healing the world. I have been blessed with the privilege of traveling the globe, sharing messages of love and healing with audiences of many cultures and beliefs. My message is simple, positive thinking and self-love are the keys to freedom, peace, and joy. I firmly believe that Love is the source and substance of the universe; it is how we got here and what sustains us. My aim is that these recommendations provide you with inspiration and/or instruction on expanding your love for personal and global healing.
Having been raised in a dysfunctional, mostly loveless environment, I arrived at adulthood starved for love, a perfect setup for failed codependent relationships.
Finally, around age 45, rich love lessons began to find their way to me, not the least of which was this life-saving book. Dr. Buscaglia was the first and perhaps only university professor to teach love. He convinced USC to let him teach a class dedicated to love, and only two years later, his course, Love 101, was maxed out with 200 students and a waitlist of 600.
Mainly consisting of lecture transcripts delivered to people of many ages and backgrounds, you will find the content warm, gracious, humorous, and humble. So, open your heart and mind, and be prepared to receive the wonder of love.
A collection of lectures by New York Times bestselling author, professor, and PBS motivational speaker Leo Buscaglia, Living, Loving, & Learning combines essential insights and teaching anecdotes to create a delightfully informative text on how to love.
Living, Loving, & Learning is the only complete collection of Leo Buscaglia's popular lectures, originally delivered via in-person talks and eventually broadcast to worldwide audiences on PBS. Drawing on his personal life and including practical experience gathered while teaching his renowned "Love Class" at the University of Southern California, Buscaglia's personal stories are amusing and informative depictions of how to live a life…
This book follows the journey of a writer in search of wisdom as he narrates encounters with 12 distinguished American men over 80, including Paul Volcker, the former head of the Federal Reserve, and Denton Cooley, the world’s most famous heart surgeon.
In these and other intimate conversations, the book…
My newest YA novel, Home Field Advantage, is your typical cliché sports romance between a high school quarterback and aspiring cheer captain…except that they’re both girls. Sports is such a fascinating setting for queer YA to me, because it adds a whole extra social dynamic of being teammates and how that can work for or against you, depending on the culture and who you are. It’s also a great venue for subversion of gender norms, which is always welcome to me! And in general, I really just love protagonists who are really passionate about what they do. If they happen to be queer as well, that’s just a nice bonus!
She Drives Me Crazy does a fantastic job mashing up two of the greatest tropes—enemies-to-lovers and fake dating—and combining them with a spin on the classic sports romance genre by having both basketball player Scottie and cheerleader Irene be girls. It’s not all fun and games—Scottie is nursing a breakup in a painfully relatable fashion—but it is a lot of fun and games, and Quindlen definitely knows how to write romance, too.
“A little sweet, a little sharp.” —Booklist, starred review
High school nemeses fall in love in Kelly Quindlen's She Drives Me Crazy, a queer YA rom com perfect for fans of Becky Albertalli and Casey McQuiston.
After an embarrassing loss to her ex-girlfriend in their first basketball game of the season, seventeen-year-old Scottie Zajac gets into a fender bender with the worst possible person: her nemesis, Irene Abraham, head cheerleader for the Fighting Reindeer.
Irene is as mean as she is beautiful, so Scottie makes a point to keep her distance. When the accident sends Irene’s car to the shop…
