Here are 100 books that It's Not You fans have personally recommended if you like
It's Not You.
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Everyone experiences stress, loss, grief, and disconnection in life. We often feel isolated and alone in our sorrow and pain. For many years, I’ve shared openly about my personal challenges, starting in 2003 with my Babyfruit blog about my multiple miscarriages to the speeches I’ve given around the world in the 90s, to several of the books I’ve written. Through storytelling, I try to turn my heartbreak into lessons—to turn my pain into tangible steps that can help others navigate hard things and feel less alone. Helping others is part of my healing process.
As adults, we don’t always realize how our childhood—and our parents—have played a major role in how we feel about ourselves and our relationships. This is not about blaming parents but realizing how we may not have learned important aspects of healthy relationships because of our upbringing.
This book sets out to help people free themselves from the effects of growing up with immature parents to heal deep wounds that have led to feelings of anger or fear of abandonment. With that newfound freedom comes the ability to create positive relationships with oneself and others.
Are you one of the countless people who grew up with emotionally immature parents? If you suffer from this troubling parent/child dynamic, you may still recall painful moments from your childhood when your emotional needs were not met, when your feelings were dismissed, or when you took on adult levels of maturity in an effort to "compensate" for your parents' behavior. And while you likely cultivated strengths such as self-reliance and independence along the way- strengths that have served you well as an adult-having to be the emotionally mature person in your relationship with your parent is confusing and even…
It is April 1st, 2038. Day 60 of China's blockade of the rebel island of Taiwan.
The US government has agreed to provide Taiwan with a weapons system so advanced that it can disrupt the balance of power in the region. But what pilot would be crazy enough to run…
I’m a lifelong bibliophile who hated school until I took community college Psychology 101 when I was 16 years old. I was hooked! Psychology was the first field I encountered with applications in everything about the human condition. My life's work and joy have been understanding the interrelatedness of mind, body, spirit, brain, culture, and ancestry and how to live with values, meaning, health, and connection. I am a psychologist at Stanford University, a lifelong learner, an adventurer, and a professor, and I still cram in as much pleasure reading as possible. Books have always been my lifeline and can be a healing tool and guide accessible to all.
Every therapy session should be like what you can find in this book! The therapist authors model being candid and vulnerable, as well as historically educated and connected with others, as avenues to healing from trauma. They cite research articles and channel expertise from years of clinical practice at Yellow Chair Collective yet avoid psychological jargon. Soo Jin and Linda have a warm and practical approach to writing that makes for an easy, thought-provoking read.
The diverse range of personal healing stories will be relatable, and the exercises and reflections will be useful and accessible. I like mental health books where the authors are honest about their own struggles and foibles alongside their expertise, so you can really feel like they’re on this journey with you rather than talking at you. Obviously targeted for Asian Americans (or Asian Canadians, Asian Australians, Asian Brits…) but has useful content here for all…
An essential resource that addresses the unique experiences of trauma, healing, and mental health in Asian and Asian American communities.
Coauthors Soo Jin Lee and Linda Yoon are professional therapists who witnessed firsthand how mental health issues often went unaddressed not only in their own immigrant families, but in Asian and Asian American communities. Where I Belong shows us how the cycle of trauma can play out in our relationships, placing Asian American experiences front and center to help us process and heal from racial and intergenerational trauma. This book validates our experiences and helps us understand how they fit…
I’m a lifelong bibliophile who hated school until I took community college Psychology 101 when I was 16 years old. I was hooked! Psychology was the first field I encountered with applications in everything about the human condition. My life's work and joy have been understanding the interrelatedness of mind, body, spirit, brain, culture, and ancestry and how to live with values, meaning, health, and connection. I am a psychologist at Stanford University, a lifelong learner, an adventurer, and a professor, and I still cram in as much pleasure reading as possible. Books have always been my lifeline and can be a healing tool and guide accessible to all.
I think it’s powerful and rare for a man to share his vulnerabilities so openly: childhood trauma, insecurities, substance abuse, breakdowns, setbacks. He isn’t sentimental or maudlin about it. Thompson writes clearly and matter-of-factly, allowing readers to witness the messy journey to post-traumatic growth.
This memoir is by a psychologist who shares his own history of traumatic abuse and his hospitalization in San Francisco following years of depression and a serious suicide attempt. His path to wellness is a bit extreme- ultramarathons in mountains for literally hundreds of miles- but I completely relate to how our bodies are key to holistic healing.
I love the descriptions of exercise and the outdoors as I also use outdoor time as a mental grounding (but for about 5 miles, not 200!) Spoiler alert: he is now married with children and working as a psychologist while continuing to practice running, meditation, and yoga regularly.…
A powerful, breathtaking memoir about a young man's descent into madness, and how running saved his life.
"Voluntary or involuntary?" asked the nurse who admitted J. M. Thompson to a San Francisco psychiatric hospital in January 2005. Following years of depression, ineffective medication, and therapy that went nowhere, Thompson feared he was falling into an inescapable darkness. He decided that death was his only exit route from the torture of his mind. After a suicide attempt, he spent weeks confined on the psych ward, feeling scared, alone, and trapped. One afternoon during an exercise break he experienced a sudden urge.…
A Duke with rigid opinions, a Lady whose beliefs conflict with his, a long disputed parcel of land, a conniving neighbour, a desperate collaboration, a failure of trust, a love found despite it all.
Alexander Cavendish, Duke of Ravensworth, returned from war to find that his father and brother had…
I’m a lifelong bibliophile who hated school until I took community college Psychology 101 when I was 16 years old. I was hooked! Psychology was the first field I encountered with applications in everything about the human condition. My life's work and joy have been understanding the interrelatedness of mind, body, spirit, brain, culture, and ancestry and how to live with values, meaning, health, and connection. I am a psychologist at Stanford University, a lifelong learner, an adventurer, and a professor, and I still cram in as much pleasure reading as possible. Books have always been my lifeline and can be a healing tool and guide accessible to all.
My biggest problem with old-school PTSD books is that they are uni-dimensional and focus on a single big trauma. However, both as a therapist and just as a human, I understand that trauma is a multi-dimensional experience. There are different sizes and impacts, and it lasts from inter-generational trauma to systemic, ongoing trauma to inter-group and familial, as well as personal and current trauma. I’m on a big reading kick for Complex PTSD resources.
There’s also a dearth of culturally integrated and informed mental health books. Natalie’s book is fantastic because she has the knowledge and experience as a licensed mental health professional and the roots and wisdom of how to use reflection, narratives, and ceremony to de-program shame, imposter phenomenon, and all the baggage that weighs down historically marginalized readers. There’s a damn good reason Natalie has thousands of Instagram followers- she is relatable, bold, wise, and a kind…
It's time to heal the invisible wounds of complex trauma and reclaim your mind, body, and spirit.If you are a person of color who has experienced repeated trauma-such as discrimination, race-related verbal assault, racial stigmatization, poverty, sexual trauma, or interpersonal violence-you may struggle with intense feelings of anger, mistrust, or shame. You may feel unsafe or uncomfortable in your own body, or struggle with building and keeping close relationships. Sometimes you may feel very alone in your pain. But you are not alone. This groundbreaking work illuminates the phenomena of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) as it is uniquely experienced…
I am a licensed psychotherapist in private practice and an author. My clinical interests and published books are about narcissism. After being in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist (which I suspect may have turned physical if I had stayed), I decided to make it my mission to not only never experience having a cold and calculating narcissist in my life again, but to also help other people avoid or leave any type of relationship with a narcissist. To this day, I am passionate about researching, writing, and educating others on the dangers of narcissism.
Dr, Malkin’s work has been an inspiration for both books I have written. I use his definition of narcissism, Triple E (lack of empathy, entitlement, exploitation) whenever I explain it to others. He also does a great job of emphasizing that narcissism exists on a spectrum, and why it is good to have moderate narcissism- meaning, it is not dangerous, pathological, and causing harm to others. I think this is a groundbreaking read on narcissism and a must for anyone interested in the topic.
Harvard Medical School psychologist and Huffington Post blogger Craig Malkin addresses the "narcissism epidemic," by illuminating the spectrum of narcissism, identifying ways to control the trait, and explaining how too little of it may be a bad thing.
"What is narcissism?" is one of the fastest rising searches on Google, and articles on the topic routinely go viral. Yet, the word "narcissist" seems to mean something different every time it's uttered. People hurl the word as insult at anyone who offends them. It's become so ubiquitous, in fact, that it's lost any clear meaning. The only certainty these days is…
I am a licensed psychotherapist in private practice and an author. My clinical interests and published books are about narcissism. After being in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist (which I suspect may have turned physical if I had stayed), I decided to make it my mission to not only never experience having a cold and calculating narcissist in my life again, but to also help other people avoid or leave any type of relationship with a narcissist. To this day, I am passionate about researching, writing, and educating others on the dangers of narcissism.
This is one of the first books I ever read on narcissism, and the most eye-opening. This book is written by Sam Vaknin, a recovering narcissist who takes you deep into the mind and motivations of the narcissist. It is comprehensive, in-depth, and helps one understand how destructive and dangerous narcissists can be. It helped me identify and move on from a horrible relationship I was in with a narcissist.
The FULL TEXT of Sam Vaknin's classic, groundbreaking BIBLE of NARCISSISM and NARCISSISTIC ABUSE, now in its 10th edition. Tips and advice as well as the most complete clinical background. Narcissistic Personality Disorder and its effects on the narcissist, the psychopath and their nearest and dearest in a variety of settings: the family, workplace, in Church, the community, law enforcement, and politics. 100 frequently asked questions and two essays - a total of 730 pages! Updated to reflect the NEW criteria in the recent fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM).
The Duke's Christmas Redemption
by
Arietta Richmond,
A Duke who has rejected love, a Lady who dreams of a love match, an arranged marriage, a house full of secrets, a most unneighborly neighbor, a plot to destroy reputations, an unexpected love that redeems it all.
Lady Charlotte Wyndham, given in an arranged marriage to a man she…
I am a licensed psychotherapist in private practice and an author. My clinical interests and published books are about narcissism. After being in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist (which I suspect may have turned physical if I had stayed), I decided to make it my mission to not only never experience having a cold and calculating narcissist in my life again, but to also help other people avoid or leave any type of relationship with a narcissist. To this day, I am passionate about researching, writing, and educating others on the dangers of narcissism.
When I was in my 20s and ending a relationship with a narcissist, this book was a lifesaver. This book was able to describe exactly what I had been through and made me feel less crazy (being in a relationship with a narcissist can make you feel crazy!). This book also solidified my decision to leave the narcissist once and for all and helped me find a relationship where I was treated well. A must-read for anyone in a relationship with a narcissist or who has been in a relationship with a narcissist.
Narcissists always make sure that their relationships are organised around their priorities, their agendas, and their problems; they are people who are so self-involved that they can't really relate to their partners' needs. "Help, I'm in Love with a Narcissist" spells out why it's so easy to get romantically involved with narcissists, who are often experts in intensity, passion, and seduction, and also highlights the difficulties of remaining in these relationships. Using detailed anecdotes from narcissism survivors, the authors illustrate the common pitfalls of narcissistic relationships, and help readers come to terms with exactly what they are experiencing. They also…
I am a psychologist, yet I am also a human being with real, complex, and, at times, disturbing thoughts and feelings. I would say I’ve learnt more from my own experiences and those shared by others than any training or qualifications. I never tire of listening to these real-life narratives, which are full of more color and depth than our rudimentary single-word emotion labels describe. I gather these stories up to feed my emotobiome (our microscopic inner world of feelings) along with the books and learnings from my list. I hope you’ll join me on this rollercoaster ride through human feelings–I wouldn’t miss it for the world.
I’ve found so much value in this book; it’s one of my most recommended titles to both friends and clients.
It never ceases to amaze me how many people feel “not good enough” and the impact this has on our lives. Some of the most challenging feelings, such as guilt and shame, frequently emerge out of complex early life family dynamics, and more subtle forms of emotional neglect associated with narcissistic personality disorder can be incredibly difficult to disentangle.
The ”a-ha” moments in this book, especially emerging from the case studies, shone a light on feelings of insignificance and how to heal the inner child.
From experienced family therapist Dr. Karyl McBride, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? is an essential guide to recovery for women with selfish, emotionally abusive, and toxic mothers—designed to help daughters reclaim their lives.
The first book for daughters who have suffered the abuse of narcissistic, self-involved mothers, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? provides the expert assistance you need in order to overcome this debilitating history and reclaim your life. Drawing on more than two decades of experience as a therapist specializing in women’s health and hundreds of interviews with suffering daughters, Dr. Karyl McBride helps you recognize the…
I am a licensed psychotherapist in private practice and an author. My clinical interests and published books are about narcissism. After being in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist (which I suspect may have turned physical if I had stayed), I decided to make it my mission to not only never experience having a cold and calculating narcissist in my life again, but to also help other people avoid or leave any type of relationship with a narcissist. To this day, I am passionate about researching, writing, and educating others on the dangers of narcissism.
If you feel like the world has become more narcissistic and entitled, then this book is for you. It examines the root of narcissism and how we can and should remove toxic narcissists from our lives. If you have ever witnessed egregious, inappropriate, and downright nasty behavior from others, you will get a deeper understanding of it and how to disengage from it in your own life.
It's time to take our lives back from a world of narcissism, entitlement, and toxic relationships.
"Don't You Know Who I Am?" has become the mantra of the famous and infamous, the entitled and the insecure. It's the tagline of the modern narcissist.
Health and wellness campaigns preach avoidance of unhealthy foods, sedentary lifestyles, tobacco, drugs, and alcohol, but rarely preach avoidance of unhealthy, difficult or toxic people. Yet the health benefits of removing toxic people from your life may have far greater benefits to both physical and psychological health. We need to learn to be better gatekeepers for our…
This book follows the journey of a writer in search of wisdom as he narrates encounters with 12 distinguished American men over 80, including Paul Volcker, the former head of the Federal Reserve, and Denton Cooley, the world’s most famous heart surgeon.
In these and other intimate conversations, the book…
My therapy history spans half a dozen therapists over forty years, while my education in neuroscience gives me a deeper understanding of how our brains work. I recently suffered a retraumatization, an awakening of deeply buried memories of sexual abuse. I immediately sought a new therapist with the intention of rebooting my brain. Through a strong one-on-one connection with my therapist and a lot of hard work, we eventually managed the re-boot. Additionally, resolving to bring my story into the light was a major game changer. Louis Brandeis said, “Sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants.” These authors helped me to let the sunshine in.
I feel less like the hard parts of my life and my story are too horrible to share, thanks to Catherine Gildiner’s powerful stories of her clients’ intense traumas. If therapists can help clients like Gildiner’s recover then there is hope for me too.
I love that she offers readers a “fly on the wall” perspective into the revelations and insights that come to light in a therapist’s office. In doing so, she opened a space for me to consider the ways I may relate to some of the clients’ experiences but, more importantly, the therapeutic advice Gildiner provides.
As seen on Good Morning America's SEPTEMBER 2020 READING LIST and FAVORITE BOOKS OF 2020!
"We need to read stories about folks who have been through hell and kept going... Fascinating." ―Glennon Doyle, A Favorite Book of 2020 on Good Morning America
"Gildiner is nothing short of masterful―as both a therapist and writer. In these pages, she has gorgeously captured both the privilege of being given access to the inner chambers of people's lives, and the meaning that comes from watching them grow into the selves they were meant to be." ―Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe…
