100 Books Like Healing the Shame That Binds You

This book reveals how the body stores emotional and traumatic memories long after the mind tries to forget them.

Van der Kolk explains why symptoms like anxiety, emotional numbness, anger, or disconnection can surface years later.

Many men who “push through” or never talk about their trauma find clarity in this book’s explanation of how stress affects the brain and nervous system. It helps readers understand themselves physically and emotionally, while giving hope that healing is possible through therapy, mindfulness, and self-awareness.

A man I was working with recommended this book to me, when he heard about my novel, while it was in the making. I got hold of this book and already after the first chapter I understood why. Janice Radway investigates how Harlequin novels have such a large audience. In essence it is because romance novels always end well, as opposed to life, that keeps being complicated. It taught me that I’m a very romantic person. This was something I had never regarded as a positive trait so of course I failed to see just how important romance was and is to me. By identifying with millions of women who read these romance novels, I gained a respect that I still feel is lacking in our culture: A respect for our emotions and the big role they play in our sense of satisfaction with life.  

Becoming a manager at an early age and now a nonprofit founder, I realize how important the statement ‘Relationship before Task’ is. While this book is used to sustain relationships of love, the lessons on how we invest emotionally in other areas of our life, including the workplace and friendships, is just as impactful. This book encourages me to give guidance, not ultimatums when making my needs known. Overall, this book is a reminder that being relationship-focused will bring us the love and/or significance that we’re looking for. 

I have a pet peeve about books/authors who portray women in the early part of the 1900s as necessarily “old-fashioned,” hopelessly trapped by the rules of propriety set forth by society. This is not one of those books.

A wonderful romp behind the scenes of New York City theater in the 1940s, it follows a young Vivian who gleefully explores sex, relationships, and various unusual career paths thanks to her proximity to the bohemian art scene. This book is full of actors and actresses, some famous, others less so, and ultimately is about the source and endurance of true love outside the trappings of fame. A wonderful story.

A philosopher writes about love in the most extraordinarily ordinary way. It is a story about a couple and how they fall in love and why the two of them fall in love with each other. That is fascinating in itself. Then he follows how the love between them develops—and he comments on it as they move along. It is a book that gives a deep insight into how love works when it works—and when it doesn’t. I felt much better about the mistakes I’ve made in love when I read his book. 

A powerful guide for anyone struggling to release emotional pain, anger, heartbreak, or long-standing resentment. 

Hawkins explains how holding onto old emotions can affect your health, relationships, and sense of self.

For men who grew up believing emotions should be controlled or hidden, this book offers a practical method to process feelings rather than store them. The teachings are simple but profound, helping readers move from tension to peace. It is especially helpful during transitions—divorce, loss, career changes, or the slow rebuilding of a wounded heart.

This book helps readers understand the emotional disconnect that happens when we live for others instead of ourselves.

Beck explains how suppressing our real feelings builds lifelong patterns of pain, avoidance, and resentment. She offers practical steps to help readers follow their truth, reconnect with their emotional instincts, and release the weight of old wounds.

Men who struggle with emotional expression or who were raised to hide their feelings may find this book particularly freeing because it teaches that honesty—with yourself and others—is the foundation of real peace.

Wiest’s book explores how self-sabotage is often rooted in unprocessed emotional pain, fear of vulnerability, and unresolved trauma. 

She explains why people repeat destructive patterns and how to break them with self-compassion, accountability, and emotional clarity.

Men who carry quiet stress or who have difficulty opening up may connect with the book’s clear explanations of emotional cycles and its gentle approach to personal transformation. It gives readers tools to understand their inner world and begin managing emotions in healthier, more intentional ways.

The original breakthrough in understanding shame was from Sylvan Tomkins, whose book Shame and Its Sisters is well worth reading. Gershen Kaufman and Donald Nathanson were his two main disciples.

This book is a vast volume, beautifully supplementing Kaufman’s book. It covers all the emotions. The section on shame is amazingly powerful and thorough. I am most in love with his section on the reactions to shame: attack self, attack others, deny, and withdraw. I have fleshed out his idea and use it in every workshop I teach and with every client I see.

Shame is often more traumatizing than we realize, and there hasn't been enough exploration of its connection to prolonging the impact of initial traumatic events. In my first book, I dedicated an entire section to shame, and it was this work that significantly aided in delving deeper into its various forms and consequences.

This book's ability to distinguish between shame and guilt is particularly enlightening. While it may not be the most enjoyable read, it was undoubtedly a valuable reference for me when I needed to develop a better understanding of this crucial aspect of trauma.