42 Books Like Desire

I wish more people in general and men in specific knew about this book. It includes an enormous amount of information, all based in science (which is really important when it comes to sex education), yet written in a compassionate, clear, and understandable way. 

While this book is written to help men with their sexuality, the women in their lives will no doubt benefit from what they learn. I truly think that if all men read this book, both they and their partners would have fewer sexual issues and much more pleasure and connection.

This book is written for men about how to pleasure women (with oral sex).

The author, a well-known sex therapist, reveals at the start of the book how he discovered the art of cunnilingus. He suffered from premature ejaculation and thought he could thus never please a woman—until he discovered (in his own words) that “the tongue is mightier than the sword!” 

Ian writes from a knowledgeable, compassionate voice, giving readers information and skills to please their female partners. I’ve recommended this book to countless individuals. The term “cliterate” first appeared on the back of this book cover.

When I wanted to use it on my book cover, I called Ian and asked his permission. He graciously said, “Of course! The more cliterate people in the world, the better!”

Mindfulness is a powerful practice, proven to decrease stress and help us live more in the present moment. Acclaimed psychologist and researcher Dr. Lori Brotto is the brilliant pioneer to apply mindfulness to sexuality.

Dr. Brotto had been using mindfulness with great success to help her patients and she thus wrote a book to spread the word more broadly. In this book, she explains the reasons people have sexual problems and provides easy, effective exercises to help them. And, even if a reader doesn’t have a sexual problem, mindfulness can simply enhance sexual pleasure and satisfaction.

I have recommended this book to countless clients and students. I meditate each morning and practice mindfulness myself, inside and outside of the bedroom, and I’ve learned a lot from Dr. Brotto’s work.

I consider this the most comprehensive book on sex that exists.

It is chockful of knowledge and sage advice, all based on science, yet written in a manner that will make you laugh out loud. If I have a question about sex that I don’t know the answer to, this is the first book I open. I also often recommend this book to clients who simply need to get comfortable talking about sex as the tone is so accepting and fun.

I also quote this book quite often in my undergraduate Psychology of Human Sexuality class and the students love it so much that on the last day, I raffle off several copies.

Dr. Emily Nagoski's approach to understanding the intricacies of human sexuality is not only refreshing but also deeply insightful and relatable. This book doesn't just scratch the surface; it delves into the complexities of desire, arousal, and satisfaction with unparalleled clarity.

What sets it apart is Nagoski's ability to distill complex scientific research into practical, accessible guidance for couples. The messages are simple (although scientifically sound). 

I've seen this book empowering individuals to embrace their unique sexual selves and foster a deeper, more fulfilling connection with their partners. It's a must-read for anyone seeking to enhance intimacy and revitalize their sex life.

Humor has always pulled me through the hard parts of life, and laughter is the test that tells me if I’ll be compatible with someone when we first meet. So to read a ridiculous character who’s coming in hot right on page one, charging through the story with absolutely no filter, epic foibles fully (and uncomfortably) detailed, and unable to stop making terrible decisions had me cackling out loud.

I was initially drawn to this book for the perfect cover, but I quickly fell in love with the writing and a story that captures that frustrating push and pull of wanting what we can’t have. It’s a delightful mess of bees, goats, awkward sex, strange conversations, and women doing whatever they want. 

Roach does for science what Bryson does for travel and history. She brings her subjects to life with a unique blend of humor, history, and good old-fashioned firsthand detective work. To provide readers a (ahem!) deeper understanding of the physiology of human intercourse for this intriguing look into the science of sex, Roach even talks her hesitant husband into doing the deed while researchers monitor the proceedings via a magnetic imaging scanner!

I may not be ready to go that far for my readers but I appreciate Roach’s gumption to do it for hers. Between Roach’s courage to probe every aspect of her subject and deft ability to relate her findings with wit and insight, I found Bonk to be nearly as enjoyable as the topic it explores.

Beyond Sexuality is the most consequential psychoanalytic intervention in queer theory.

Much of queer theory has used Michel Foucault’s History of Sexuality to reject or downplay psychoanalysis. Dean argues that psychoanalysis, particularly in the writings and seminars of French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan, offers a far more useful theoretical model.

Such theorists as Judith Butler misconstrue sexual desire by focusing on identity, rather than language and its effects. Desire, according to psychoanalysis, does not arise from our identifications—not even our gender identifications—but from the failures of identity. Desire is not constructed in language but manifests precisely where language breaks down.

Beyond Sexuality also offers a psychoanalytic reading of HIV/AIDS in the aftermath of the AIDS crisis.

Although we like to think that we are idiosyncratic individuals pursuing our perfect match, the truth is that evolution has hardwired into us many preferences and dislikes. This book is a really good introduction to the often surprising role evolution plays in shaping desire. Buss has undertaken a massive study of thousands of people and dozens of cultures to present a unified theory of human mating behavior. While I don't think we need to simply give in to evolution, it is an enormous help to have a sense of what role evolution plays.

This is one of the most intriguing books published in recent times, in my view, providing a lucid and beautifully written psychoanalytic account of both the strangeness and emancipatory potential of sexuality.

Sex for Zupančič is not about genital sexuality. Instead, it has an amorphous and undefinable quality to it; and this lack of meaning implies we can never get enough of it—e.g., the reason porn watchers get hooked on porn is because even the “full” view of sexual activity doesn’t quite satisfy, so one looks for more “fullness” (which one never finds) and watches more porn. And this elusiveness is what sex is about.

I love that Zupančič draws out the political potential of this viewpoint, seeing the excess and indefinability of sex as “trouble”/“troubling,” opening up ways for the subject to break out of the everyday status quo.