The best books about messy women (from a messy woman)

Humor has always pulled me through the hard parts of life, and laughter is the test that tells me if I’ll be compatible with someone when we first meet. So to read a ridiculous character who’s coming in hot right on page one, charging through the story with absolutely no filter, epic foibles fully (and uncomfortably) detailed, and unable to stop making terrible decisions had me cackling out loud.

I was initially drawn to this book for the perfect cover, but I quickly fell in love with the writing and a story that captures that frustrating push and pull of wanting what we can’t have. It’s a delightful mess of bees, goats, awkward sex, strange conversations, and women doing whatever they want. 

I’ve got two kiddos, and between the bodily, emotional, and lifestyle changes alone, I’ve found motherhood to be a WILD ride. And I’ve never felt more seen as a mom than in this book.

From the heartbreaking joy to the numbing boredom to the rage and the shocking invisibility that can come with motherhood, particularly during those early days, it made perfect sense to me that the main character turns into a dog. Because motherhood does shape you into something else.

This book captures that loss, that feral transformation, perfectly. Also, I wish I’d come up with the title. 

It’s taken me a long time (and so much therapy) to finally feel comfortable saying what I want—in life, from my loved ones, during conflicts, when ordering food—without apology, without self-sabotage. And because this unlearning has only happened recently, I empathize when other women struggle with it too.

But I find it particularly delicious to watch another woman upend her life, a life that she’s “supposed” to want, to go after the life she actually wants. What happens when we get off the train of female expectations? Is it so wrong to be a mom and also want personal space?

This book takes you on that journey, exploring lust, perimenopause, marriage, art, motherhood, and individuality. It’s messy and hilarious and sad and annoying and fantastical. I loved it all. 

I’m drawn to books that buck expectations, whether that’s through the format, content, or approach. So I adore how this book absolutely tears them all down and creates something more original instead. Chunks of this book are written like social media posts, which create quick, digestible sections that let the absurdity, humor, and social musings really hit.

I also admire how Lockwood is able to switch so smoothly between hilarity, heartbreak, anxiety, and sadness; I was cackling one minute and then ugly crying just a few pages later. I’ve never read a book quite like this before. Lockwood’s writing style inspires me to take more risks in my own stories.

One of my favorite things about this book is how Chung effortlessly weaves the human experience with the magical, braiding in Korean folklore and science as she goes. The women in these stories are feeling their way through their worlds, both everyday and fantastical, stumbling through love, family, duty, loss, and talking dolls.

Chung’s stories are infused with an emotional numbness that feels so familiar to me, a shadow side I recognize in myself, too. This only made my heart break harder when each story ended, exposing all the different bones of womanhood. I always have that sense of Yes, that’s just it when I read her writing.