100 Books Like Thanks for the Feedback

Before I read this book, I thought that having a great company culture meant hiring a DJ to spin in your office on Fridays or stocking the breakroom with delicious snacks. Delivering Happiness showed me I had it all wrong.

This book taught me that culture is a feeling: It’s something we create through our behaviors, actions, and values. I learned to ask myself, “How do I want people to feel?” and align my actions as a leader accordingly. That’s the mindset that allowed me to build the culture my company became known for.

Bill Ury was one of the authors of the most important book in the negotiation field – Getting to Yes written more than 30 years ago. It challenged the win-lose model of negotiation that prevailed at the time. Bill and his partners Roger Fisher and Bruce Patton made it clear that we not only need to get agreement, when one is possible given the underlying interests of the parties, we also need to know how to defend our own interests in the face of inside and outside pressure. 

One of the reviewers of The Power of a Positive No said that the book “has the power to transform our lives by enabling us to say Yes to what counts – our own needs and values.” I’ve watched him in action; Bill’s three-step method works. First, you say what you really need. Then, you say no to proposals that don’t meet… show more.

Susan has helped a lot of people come together to work out their differences and achieve a common goal, even in the face of deeply-held conflicting values. She calls the kinds of processes she helps to design: civic fusion. Because she is a skilled mediator who has worked in all kinds of situations in many places, she is able to explain and illustrate how adding a “neutral” facilitator can overcome fundamental obstacles to agreement. The cases that she talks about, like a city that has gone bankrupt, thrown out its elected leaders and had to write a new charter to redefine the kind of democracy it wanted to be, actually pulled that off. 

She played a role in bringing together pro-life and pro-choice leaders for a private dialogue in which they were able to find common ground. Passion, power and conflict generate energy; Susan describes ways of channeling that energy… show more.

Mike shows how to cope with chaos and uncertainty by avoiding rigid plans and entrenched positions. He sees negotiation as a process of joint exploration that requires continual learning and adaptation. For him, the keys are agility and creativity. I’ve had lots of opportunities to hear Mike describe the ways that improvisation in jazz, sports, theatre, and even military action can teach us about improvisation in everyday negotiation. Mike has elevated improvisation to a key aspect of negotiation, and he has done so in a most convincing way. 

Bill Isaacs offers a pioneering approach to communicating in business and in life. His book starts with the assumption that people don’t know how to talk in a way that will make it easier for them to work together with others to solve shared problems. His company, DIAlogos, has organized dialogues in a wide variety of public and private settings. In the book, his discussion of “the architecture of the invisible” makes clear why better communication begins with listening, respect, suspending our own opinions, and finding our voice. I’m particularly taken with his discussion of how we can “cultivate organizational and system dialogue.” He also has some important ideas about how we can return to civility in our public discourse in the current time when “Red” and “Blue” have forgotten how to communicate at all. 

I was hooked from page one because Scott speaks my language: Care deeply, challenge directly.

That simple but powerful equation shifted how I give feedback, especially around ethical blind spots or dilemmas. I used to over-polish my words, trying to soften every edge. I often conflated nice with kind.

Now, I understand that nice is not the same as kind, and nice is very often not helpful at all. Kindness is showing up and being clear in my communication, which means I am treating people with respect and giving feedback they can use to grow.

Radical Candor gave me permission to be both direct and deeply human, which is exactly what I want in my leadership style.

What I most enjoyed about this book is the core message that business relationships, even successful and productive ones, are not meant to last forever. There is a season for everything. Far too often, partners enter into business relationships in the same way they enter a marriage, thinking that it will or should last forever. But there is a reason that the ceremony and the vows associated with the consummation of a marriage are missing from the formation of a business relationship.

This book advocates for beginning with the end in mind. It also helps readers understand that sometimes, ripping the band-aid off and ensuring the short-term pain is the only way to heal and prosper.

I used to be the poster child for burnout culture—and as a result, so was my company. By the time I read this book, we were ready to leave hustle culture behind, but we weren’t sure what it could look like.

It Doesn’t Have to be Crazy at Work paved the way for a new era in our business: one where we prioritize our well-being and make sure that work works with our lives. It helped me confront the areas of my company that were keeping us stuck in the hustle mindset and make big changes that hold us accountable to caring for ourselves and each others.

I recommend this book because it taught me that every hard conversation has three layers: what happened, what’s felt, and what that means to each person.

Before reading it, I often got stuck on the “facts” and missed the emotional undercurrent, especially for my communication partner.

Now, I approach challenging discussions with a mental checklist from Difficult Conversations that helps me listen for what’s beneath the words. It has saved me from countless misunderstandings and made me a much better listener and collaborator.

Over a number of decades, Schein has been one of the guiding thinkers in professional services and consultancy. His books are always worth reading as the advice is sounds and practical. In this book he talks about how it is better, and more productive, to help people by the practice of asking questions rather than giving answers. The model in the book goes completely against the stereotype of the consultant as a brash and overconfident individual pretending to be an expert who can tell anyone the answer to any question. Instead, Schein proposes a model that would be more familiar to those with a coaching background. It is brilliant advice.