Books like Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage — picked by fans

An engaging story of how a person can transform her life through travel and formal education.

While teaching English at a community college, I assigned this memoir to my students. Many of my students came from disadvantaged backgrounds and could identify with the childhood hardships and abuse experienced by Tara Westover.

I was delighted to share a story that resonates with my own life and demonstrates how a young person, even against overwhelming obstacles, can overcome insecurities, transform personal views, and navigate beyond the limitations imposed by one’s childhood.

Since I spent part of my childhood living within an hour of Cambridge University, I also enjoyed the part of the story that transpired in the halls and turrets of an old English institution.

The author, Tia Levings, was in the same cult that I’d been in. Her story touched me on many levels, but the danger she was in right from her wedding night captivated me. As she related the progression of danger she and her children were in, although I knew she survived, I couldn’t put the book down.

I wanted to know HOW she survived and how she became a functioning member of society afterward. Tia’s story was a lesson to me in overcoming such a controlling and dangerous situation. I loved her tenacity and how she jumped into action when she knew ‘this is it’ to save her family.

The Duggar family was one I looked up to when I was in the same cult as them. They seemed to have it all together as a family and looked very happy. Reading Jill’s book, however, showed me that most of that was on the surface. There were many deep secrets in their family, just as there had been in mine.

I cheered this lady on as I read and saw her overcoming her controlled past to live a life that shows her as being quite human. Her story made me realize that what you see on the surface in a person or a family is really only the tip of the iceberg: the big ugly is all underwater and concealed.

A good book tells the truth—and that’s what Shari Franke did here. I often wondered what went on behind the scenes of ‘perfect’ families. I read this book in two sittings; I couldn’t put it down because Shari told everything about the 8 Passengers family.

It was interesting to get inside the head of the oldest daughter of this infamous family and see where she’s at now. I love that Shari is now petitioning the courts to give rights to the children of family vlogs whose lives are exposed for the world to see. 

Amy coined the term psychological safety, and in this book, she tells you how to create that environment in order to build high-performance teams. This book walks you through every step needed and how to respond to the most common speed bumps when building an inclusive culture. She connects a diversity of every dimension to the process, and her work is a must-read.

I couldn’t stop thinking about this book because it was suffocating.

The idea that "groupthink" could weigh on everyone so much that they learn to live with something terrifying, and still choose cruelty over kindness, unsettled me more than any jump scare. I remember setting it down one night and realizing what I was witnessing: a trainwreck in slow motion.

It reminded me how horror works best when it holds up a mirror, and sometimes what stares back is uglier than a monster, or in this case, a witch.

When I was at Yale, Professor Irving Janis became aware of my interest in mass psychology and asked if I would be interested in seeing a manuscript he was working on. I jumped at the chance and soon was reading Victims of Groupthink.

The book relates histories of bureaucratic decision-making that went wrong. Janis postulated that in a group setting, people defer the hard work of reasoning to others, whom they assume must be working on the problem. As a result, no one works on the problem, and whatever decision emerges derives from the dynamics of group psychology. This book is out of print and hard to find.

More and more of our interactions occur via social media. This does more than poison our minds; it poisons our relationships, including our most intimate one: life partner. 

There are established downsides to social media, including its addictive nature and oxymoronic means of fomenting alienation. It promotes comparison-driven inferiority complexes, and allows racists and bigots to hide behind pseudonyms. 

But for marriages, social media’s most worrisome issue is its promotion of phoniness. Cyber platforms prompt people to portray themselves in a faux-optimized light – happier, wealthier, and more moral than they really are. They also promote groupthink and reticence driven by fear of backlash. 

A marriage in recovery requires two honest, unabashed partners. Two people trying to heal must minimize the festering wounds inherent in social media.

Mentaligence takes conscious mind development one step further. It suggests that we are burdened with an indoctrination dictating how to behave and meet preordained goals pressed upon us by parents, teachers, religious leaders, and society in general. Its premise is that we must recognize these factors and any negative effect on our well-being; learn how to throw off their shackles; and develop a new attitude of thinking. In short, acquire what Dr. Lee calls mental agility.

Indoctrination, group-think, and social brain-washing are related terms for the negative force. While some indoctrination may be considered beneficial, few would disagree with the negative effect of Nazi group-think or that leading to mass suicides in Jamestown. They illustrate the need for objective thinking to all manifestations of indoctrination.

This is honestly one of the smartest books I have ever read about group thinking, negotiating in groups, and avoiding massive group mistakes—which happen around the world every day! The authors give examples from negotiating the names of new household products to understanding group polarization and how to negotiate around it. They break down numerous conflict situations involving groups and give very detailed insights into what is going wrong and what can be done to make things go well. This is a great little book for negotiators, business managers, politicians, and everyday people who want to know how to get what they want in any group negotiations.