Here are 100 books that You Can't Say You Can't Play fans have personally recommended if you like
You Can't Say You Can't Play.
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All my life, I struggled to connect with people, but love and friendship evaded me. I constantly hurt others. Relationships were like a language I couldn’t understand. When people loved me, I knew that they were mistaken, because I was unlovable. Then, a neuroscientist told me something that changed my life: The way we connect with others—the oxytocin response—is wired into our brains in the first few years of life, before we can form conscious memories. That set me on the path of studying the neuroscience of love and connection. And I learned something amazing: I could change that wiring and learn to love.
Are you like me? A people pleaser? So concerned about what the other person is feeling that I’m not even aware of my own feelings? Then this book is for you. Don’t be put off by the awkward title; it’s not about high-IQ kids. The drama is the way children must hide their true selves to please their parents; the gift is the ability to suppress our own needs.
Miller writes, “There are many children who have not been free, right from the beginning, to experience the very simplest of feelings, such as discontent, anger, rage, pain, even hunger—and, of course, the enjoyment of their own bodies.”
I feel that! Miller explains how therapy can help us confront and heal from that rage and pain. I get mad and cry every time I reread this book.
Why are many of the most successful people plagued by feelings of emptiness and alienation? This wise and profound book has provided thousands of readers with an answer,and has helped them to apply it to their own lives.Far too many of us had to learn as children to hide our own feelings, needs, and memories skillfully in order to meet our parents' expectations and win their "love." Alice Miller writes, "When I used the word 'gifted' in the title, I had in mind neither children who receive high grades in school nor children talented in a special way. I simply…
It is April 1st, 2038. Day 60 of China's blockade of the rebel island of Taiwan.
The US government has agreed to provide Taiwan with a weapons system so advanced that it can disrupt the balance of power in the region. But what pilot would be crazy enough to run…
One of the main things I do for work is encourage parents to awaken their playful and empathic hearts and play with their kids—roughhousing play, dramatic play, games—and really listen to their kids. The connection this brings is unmistakable, and irreplaceable. Because so many adults, myself included, seem to have forgotten what it was like to be a child, I am always amazed when someone gets it. These are five books that brought me back there, from writers who somehow remembered, and share that understanding with compassion. (I was limited to books, but if I could have included a movie I would recommend C’mon C’mon.)
If you have read a parenting book or taken a parenting course in the last sixty years, chances are you have been influenced by the wisdom of Haim Ginott, even if you didn’t realize it.
He and his students, including the authors of How to Talk So Children Will Listen, set the groundwork for what is known today as connection parenting, conscious parenting, gentle parenting, playful parenting, and authoritative (but not authoritarian) parenting.
When my mom passed away and I looked through her books, I saw she had a first edition of Between Parent and Child, first published when I was a young boy.
When I read it, I felt a strong flash of recognition about the way she raised me. Ginott gets children, and he gets parents.
Strengthen your relationship with your children with this revised edition of the book by renowned psychologist Dr. Haim Ginott that has helped millions of parents around the world.
In this revised edition, Dr. Alice Ginott, clinical psychologist and wife of the late Haim Ginott, and family relationship specialist Dr. H. Wallace Goddard usher this bestselling classic into the new century while retaining the book’s positive message and Haim Ginott’s warm, accessible voice. Based on the theory that parenting is a skill that can be learned, this indispensable handbook will show you how to: • Discipline without threats, bribes, sarcasm, and…
One of the main things I do for work is encourage parents to awaken their playful and empathic hearts and play with their kids—roughhousing play, dramatic play, games—and really listen to their kids. The connection this brings is unmistakable, and irreplaceable. Because so many adults, myself included, seem to have forgotten what it was like to be a child, I am always amazed when someone gets it. These are five books that brought me back there, from writers who somehow remembered, and share that understanding with compassion. (I was limited to books, but if I could have included a movie I would recommend C’mon C’mon.)
Korczak was a pediatrician, an educator, a champion of children’s rights, the director of orphanages, and much more.
He said, “A child has a right to grief, even if it is for the loss of a pebble.” And he knew about grief.
He cared for orphans in the Warsaw Ghetto, and he accompanied the children to a concentration camp, even though he was offered the chance to escape.
He said, “They children will be scared without me there with them.” He marched with them to the train, carrying a green flag, which was the symbol of his beloved character King Matt, a child king who tried to unite all the children of the world in peace.
He did not survive, but we are very lucky to have his writings. He is my biggest hero, and my biggest inspiration.
How to Love a Child and Other Selected Works is the first comprehensive collection of Korczak's works translated into English. It contains his most important pedagogical writings, journal articles, as well as private texts. Volume 1 comprises three pedagogical works, the first being How to Love a Child. This is a tetralogy presenting the life of a child in a family from birth to puberty, the challenges of raising children in childcare institutions, Korczak's first practical experiences gained while working at summer camps and a detailed account of his work at the Orphans' Home--the orphanage where he was the headmaster.…
A Duke with rigid opinions, a Lady whose beliefs conflict with his, a long disputed parcel of land, a conniving neighbour, a desperate collaboration, a failure of trust, a love found despite it all.
Alexander Cavendish, Duke of Ravensworth, returned from war to find that his father and brother had…
One of the main things I do for work is encourage parents to awaken their playful and empathic hearts and play with their kids—roughhousing play, dramatic play, games—and really listen to their kids. The connection this brings is unmistakable, and irreplaceable. Because so many adults, myself included, seem to have forgotten what it was like to be a child, I am always amazed when someone gets it. These are five books that brought me back there, from writers who somehow remembered, and share that understanding with compassion. (I was limited to books, but if I could have included a movie I would recommend C’mon C’mon.)
I read every Nicholson Baker book as soon as it arrives, and not just because I knew him before he published his first short story.
My favorite novels of his explore what it is to be a thinking (and sometimes, overthinking) human being.
In The Everlasting Story of Nory, he applies his wit and wisdom to the mind of a nine-year-old girl, and he captures beautifully what that time of life is like.
Our supreme fabulist of the ordinary now turns his attention on a 9-year-old American girl and produces a novel as enchantingly idiosyncratic as any he has written. Nory Winslow wants to be a dentist or a designer of pop-up books. She likes telling stories and inventing dolls. She has nightmares about teeth, which may explain her career choice. She is going to school in England, where she is mocked for her accent and her friendship with an unpopular girl, and she has made it through the year without crying.
Nicholson Baker follows Nory as she interacts with her parents and…
Writing my first book, I found out how dependent my thinking about the world beyond my doorstep was on language made up by engineers (“Please don’t block the driveway”). Engineering language defined how I saw the street. It was a shock to realize how severely this had limited my thinking about public space but also a liberation to become aware of this: now I could perceive streets in completely new and different ways. The books I recommend all have made me perceive the world differently. I hope they do the same for you. Also, see the recommendations by my co-author, Marco te Brömmelstroet.
This little book from 1973 made me realize I wrongly believed that all technological advancement was progress. Why should it be? With every invention that promises to make life easier, ask this question, says Illich: "Will this make me a more independent, capable human being? Or will human qualities be made obsolete?"
In the Middle Ages, people built cathedrals without burning fuel. We have since lost this ability. Is that progress? Ivan Illich introduces the concept of radical monopolies: industrial processes that make non-industrial activities impossible. "Cars can [...] monopolize traffic [...] practically ruling out locomotion on foot or by bicycle in Los Angeles." Likewise, funeral systems rule out the possibility of burying a loved one ourselves.
Illich is a radical philosopher of thin books, best read slowly.
Ivan Illich argues for individual personal control over life, the tools and energy we use. A work of seminal importance.
The conviviality for which noted social philosopher Ivan Illich is arguing is one in which the individual’s personal energies are under direct personal control and in which the use of tools is responsibly limited. A work of seminal importance, this book claims our attention for the urgency of its appeal, the stunning clarity of its logic and the overwhelmingly human note that it sounds.
I’m a poet more than anything else, and perhaps that is why I'm drawn to books with well-developed landscape and subterranean lines of thought more than plot or human characters. The natural world and the magical universe are intertwined in my writing as a way to convey the importance of our place, or responsibility in the world. I'm always aware of how much work an author has done to know his landscape. When I lived overseas in Iran, I spent the hot summer days reading through my mother’s library. She had been an English teacher and so I had available all of the classics which I read–often at an earlier age than I should have.
Set in the 19th century New England social landscape of transcendentalist educational trends, this is an important book about women, misogyny, education, and ‘western’ medicine. The landscape here is a farmhouse outside a New England village where the patriarch social philosopher and teacher has started a school for girls following the death of his wife. His grown daughter is his helper, and you see where I’m going with this…also his prisoner. She is vulnerable by her sensitive nature and by her lack of worldly education. When other girls come to board at the new school and other teachers, men, arrive to practice the educational theories they have developed in a fervor of advancing just how women’s education should evolve, the young women respond variously to these new influences. The remote landscape, again, keeps them from freedoms that might improve their awareness. There are also magical trees, birds, and a…
'A modern scream of female outrage. A masterpiece' ELIZABETH GILBERT
'Astoundingly original . . . belongs on the shelf with your Margaret Atwood' NEW YORK TIMES
Haunting, intense and irresistible, The Illness Lesson is an extraordinary debut about women's minds and bodies, and the time-honoured tradition of doubting both.
In 1871, at an elite new school designed to shape the minds of young women, the inscrutable and defiant Eliza Bell has been overwhelmed by an inexplicable illness.
Before long, the other girls start to succumb to its peculiar symptoms - rashes, tics, night wanderings and fits.
The Duke's Christmas Redemption
by
Arietta Richmond,
A Duke who has rejected love, a Lady who dreams of a love match, an arranged marriage, a house full of secrets, a most unneighborly neighbor, a plot to destroy reputations, an unexpected love that redeems it all.
Lady Charlotte Wyndham, given in an arranged marriage to a man she…
I grew up in the 1950s with a public playground in my backyard. I spent all my free time there once my homework and chores were done. It became the bedrock of my early development and, in many ways, my best friend. Later, leading two corporations, I saw many younger employees who hadn’t grown up on a playground. They often relied on ‘group think,’ believing another meeting would solve their problems, yet struggled to take true ownership. At my employees’ and wife’s suggestion, I wrote The Death of the Playground to capture the principles of free play and creative thought—lessons once learned firsthand but now largely lost.
This book gets to the DNA of what young children need: the time and the ability to think freely away from the electronic screens that try to dominate their lives.
I was constantly reminded of the herculean efforts of my children in getting their kids, my grandkids, outside to play and away from their iPads, video games, and TVs.
Relatable Conversation Starter - this lighthearted and playful rhyming kids book will help young readers understand the importance of screen time limits. It’s a valuable addition to your kids picture books or classroom books collection! If you’re looking for childrens books ages 3-5, this preschool book has a message all kids should hear! But it’s not just a great pre k book. It is an important toddler book too because little ones are never too young to start this conversation. It also belongs in the kids books ages 4-6 and childrens books ages 6-8 categories too! It will inspire and…
Since I can remember, I’ve loved fairy tales. Stories that start once upon a time, somewherefar, far away. Those words are both comforting and exciting. I am fascinated by their evolution and prevalence in different cultures and genres. That same story can be told in a million different ways that are familiar, and completely new. I used a fairy tale to complete my writing minor, then submitted that same story for a Masters writing program, transforming it into my thesis, which became my first published book. I’ve spent a career reading and writing fairy tales, and I hope this list helps you love them as much as I do.
Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland is ripe with retellings, but you’d be hard-pressed to find a darker, more gruesome version than Christina Henry’s. In this violent, twisted landscape, a broken Alice finds herself trapped in an insane asylum, with only one friend—Hatcher. Known for being mad, he’s housed in the neighboring cell, imprisoned for killing people with a hatchet. We follow these damaged characters as they escape their prison and navigate a nightmarish world. While this is not a story for the faint of heart, if you can handle the darkness, Henry’s lovely prose and imaginative story will take you on an unforgettable journey unlike any fairy tale you’ve ever read.
In four new novellas, Christina Henry returns to the world of Alice and Red Queen, where magic runs as freely as secrets and blood.
Lovely Creature In the New City lives a girl with a secret: Elizabeth can do magic. But someone knows her secret--someone who has a secret of his own. That secret is a butterfly that lives in a jar, a butterfly that was supposed to be gone forever, a butterfly that used to be called the Jabberwock...
Girl in Amber Alice and Hatcher are just looking for a place to rest. Alice has been dreaming of a…
I have a passion for fairy tale stories especially ones for adults because they are often the first stories we learned as kids. The ability to look back at how we interpreted them and how our understanding changes over time and culture makes for something that is truly timeless, and therefore like a beloved trope is never the exact same thing twice. Each time only builds on our enjoyment and the many possibilities we can imagine. Not only in worlds of magic, but our own.
This book is a Robin Hood retelling. While both our Robin’s fight for social change and the poor while falling in love along the way, S.L. Prater’s has a gender swap twist as features a thieving witch pestering the sheriff of Nottingham. I believe Robin being a woman subverts expectation and by seeing the known in a new light like that makes the world a bit more empathic to each other. I think the old and known can change and still hold so much heart.
“I can’t tell if you’re about to kiss me or arrest me …”
Sheriff Nottingham should not be enjoying his pursuit of the witch Robin Hood. It’s supposed to be a job: catch the thief, bring her to justice, pursue the next criminal. But the longer their game of cat and mouse goes on, the more he never wants it to end.
Nottingham senses Robin is luring him into a political dispute between the king and an ambitious prince—a battle that threatens to destitute the poor in Sherwood. But the sheriff can’t risk getting involved. He’s already overwhelmed raising his…
This book follows the journey of a writer in search of wisdom as he narrates encounters with 12 distinguished American men over 80, including Paul Volcker, the former head of the Federal Reserve, and Denton Cooley, the world’s most famous heart surgeon.
In these and other intimate conversations, the book…
These days, I’m an author, but that was long predated by being a reader. I’ve loved fairy tales all my life and spent most of my childhood lugging around a thick paperback copy of the Brothers Grimm's stories. My nationally bestselling second novel, Bear, is a reimagining of my favorite tale: “Snow-White and Rose-Red. " It is about two sisters who live in a cottage with their mother and whose lives are upended when a bear shows up at their door.
This collection of slim, clever, bleak, surprising short stories is as scary as it is fantastic. It’s a wonderful read. Plus, if you’re at all interested in Russian history, Petrushevskaya is an extraordinary recorder of Soviet and Russian life. Through her fiction—which was often censored by the Soviet government—she tells the truth about the world around her.
New York Times Bestseller Winner of the World Fantasy Award One of New York magazine’s 10 Best Books of the Year One of NPR’s 5 Best Works of Foreign Fiction
The celebrated scary fairy tales of Russia’s preeminent contemporary fiction writer—the author of the prizewinning memoir about growing up in Stalinist Russia, The Girl from the Metropol Hotel
Vanishings and aparitions, nightmares and twists of fate, mysterious ailments and supernatural interventions haunt these stories by the Russian master Ludmilla Petrushevskaya, heir to the spellbinding tradition of Gogol and Poe. Blending the miraculous with the macabre, and leavened by a mischievous…
