97 Books Like The Good Divorce

This book met me in one of the darkest seasons of my life after my second divorce.

Pema Chödrön’s voice feels like a steady heartbeat—calm, wise, and utterly human. She doesn’t promise to remove pain; she invites us to stay present with it. Every page taught me that courage isn’t the absence of fear but the willingness to face it with open eyes and a soft heart.

I return to this book whenever I need to remember that groundlessness is not failure; it can be the greatest freedom.

This classic has been around for decades for good reason. I found it when I suffered my first heartbreak at the age of 18, when my boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up. I felt adrift, alone, devastated, and lost. I was so overcome with grief that no one–not even my best friend-could reach me. Yet this book did.

I felt mirrored in my sorrow and comforted by the format, which offered bits of truth and wisdom in bite-sized pieces. I believed the authors that this too would pass, and felt a ray of hope in the dark. If you are in the early stage of heartbreak, this book can be a lifesaver.

Who doesn’t love the brilliant and creative Elizabeth Gilbert?

While this book is not one of her most popular, as a closeted cultural anthropologist, I found it fascinating. I loved learning all about the history of marriage, largely because it helped me to question certain assumptions we have about marriage. Assumptions that I think get a lot of us into trouble! I enjoyed how much Elizabeth shared about her own marriage and its uncoupling as well.

Elizabeth is a truth teller, and her searing honesty helped me be more honest with myself as I was processing the loss of my own marriage. 

I just like Susan Elliot. She’s decent, smart, and deeply devoted to mental health. Particularly at a time when one is vulnerable to a lack of the latter!

I found Susan’s advice to be sound and helpful. When I was at my worst, the thoughts in my head would easily loop in self-destructive ways. By focusing on the questions Susan provides, I was able to stay the course to grow myself beyond the version of me that made the mistakes I’d made. Rather than getting stuck in PTSD, Susan’s book helped me to turn it all into post-traumatic growth. 

Whether and how childhood adversity shapes human development is a question that has long intrigued scientists and citizens.

This book tells the story of a great sociologist mining archival data about children who grew up during economically troubled times in America in order to underscore how the past is—and is not—prologue. Perhaps its greatest contribution is in illuminating the environmental conditions and life experiences that determined whether children eventually thrived or failed. In so doing, this work shaped the field of developmental studies, including my own work, for decades to come.

I wish I could have read this book before I entered college.

Based on in-depth interviews with students at Harvard, Light’s well-written book offers superb academic and personal advice for students entering college and for faculty members who wish to help their students develop.

The book covers the full range of college experience and offers many counter-intuitive insights, including students’ enthusiasm for foreign-language classes, which tend to be small and offer students regular feedback. The anecdotes are, in turn, engaging, surprising, and helpful.

Whenever I’m working with clients who are trying to figure out if polyamory is for them, I always recommend finding a way to connect to real-life polyamorous folks. It’s so important to hear genuine stories from a wide variety of perspectives—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Going to a local meetup group is the best way to do this, but reading this book comes in at a close second. Dr. Eli Sheff, a researcher who has conducted several longitudinal studies on polyamorous families, presents this compilation of personal stories from many different folks in non-monogamous families and networks. These stories span the range from hilarious to heartbreaking. 

The retired Harvard psychiatrist shepherded the Grant Study of American men, one of the most robust longitudinal studies of humans ever done – basically examining the question: Why do some people live long and thrive? Here’s the science that confirms what everybody suspected, and I won’t tell you the answer but I think you can guess.

Vaillant is actually a pretty good writer too —which maybe isn’t surprising; literary chops are bred in the bone. George’s son, John Vaillant, is the mightly talented author of The Golden Spruce, among other books.

I loved hearing the stories of these men, both Harvard College students (including the young John F. Kennedy) and Boston “townies,” as they mature from ages 20 to 90. The largest long-term study of human development, each of these 600 men was interviewed and studied every two years, creating a vast data set for students of human development.

George Vaillant, a Harvard psychiatrist, decided to test Erik Erikson’s theory of the stages of life using the Harvard Grant data. What he found gives hope to all of us late-bloomers: early deficits could be redeemed by later successes. What matters, he found, is not IQ or perfect health but close relationships with family and friends. “Maturation is the evolution of teenage self-centeredness into the disinterested empathy of a grandparent.” 

This first book gave me the necessary perspective to consider the impact of divorce on my children’s entire lifespan, not just their childhoods.

It lays the groundwork for what legacy we’re breaking, since hopefully your children are young and you’re still married. I never once thought about how divorce when my three children were small would influence the nature of their adult intimate relationships and ability to navigate marriage in their future, even though I had direct experience with it influencing mine.

This is the spell breaker of all the divorce books. It will snap you out of any trance you’re in that might be preventing you from factoring in your children’s lives. It was the first time an author spelled out to me how divorce impacted me as a child and young adult, and it explained so many reasons for my behavior in relationships, especially fear of commitment.

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