100 Books Like SELF-ish

I am a wee bit obsessed with mysteries. This is my genre of choice for vacations, plane rides, and the occasional lazy afternoon. And I love the way that Barbara Neely blends a classic whodunnit with the topic of gender equality. Barbara Neely, who is now deceased, left the world with a gem of a 4-book series about Blanche White, who is a domestic worker by profession—and an accidental sleuth on the side.

But what I love most about this series is the way Neely weaves huge issues like misogyny, racism, classism, and violence through her story while delivering a smart, page-turning mystery. In her own words, “fiction is a good place to do activism.” 

There are not many books that I can say with confidence that this book changed my life. But honestly—this book by Orenstein CHANGED MY LIFE. Orenstein put into words so many feelings and emotions I had over the years about growing up as a girl and reconciling my own internal feelings and interests in sex with society’s expectations of me.

I still recommend this book to every parent in my life. And here’s another tip—don’t say, “My kid isn’t there yet,” and dismiss it. Kids grow up faster than you realize! If you’re a parent, read this whenever you can find time. It will be so helpful in framing all conversations (even the early ones) around sex and sexuality.

We are doing a great job of dismantling the glass ceiling held over our daughters and changing the way we raise girls. We tell our girls, “You can do anything,” and “Don’t let your gender hold you back!” But we are not doing the same for our sons. And that is why I love this book.

This book is written for a YA reader, but it is also great for parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, religious leaders, teachers, and coaches—really, anyone with a boy in their life. It helps all of us better understand how we should raise boys. We should teach them empathy, create caregiving opportunities for them, and teach them the words they need to express themselves. 

You can’t talk about gender equality without tackling care—that women are expected to do it all, that somehow, we don’t think men are capable. Kate Washington (who has become a personal friend of mine and is a lovely human) takes on this topic with grace and humility.

The book is an easy-to-read story about Kate’s personal story of taking care of her husband through his fight with cancer. But she also manages to sneak in data points and teach an overall lesson about gender and caregiving. I listened to this book over several Sunday afternoons, folding laundry and cleaning—and I highly recommend the audiobook. The narrator had a soothing and familiar voice that made me miss her when I finished. 

I loved this book! The author has interviewed lots of trans people and has nicely captured the diversity of the different expressions of gender which is such an important part of being transgender. It covers all aspects of transitioning such as hormones, surgeries, coming out, sex and sexuality, and other areas.

The challenges faced by the trans community are also covered, from transphobia, discrimination, and hate crime to accessing vital health care. Declan Henry has provided valuable insights and lessons for the LGBTQ+ community and all who wish to be an ally to the trans community.

I read this book to my son when he was in second grade because his classroom was paired with a seventh-grade classroom in his school buddy system.

One of the seventh graders was transgender, and the school recommended this book. In simple prose, the book introduces the concept of being transgender in a way that both my son and I could understand, and we both appreciated that it is based on the author’s real-life experience.

Two favorite lines: “Be who you are.” And, “Different is special!”

It doesn’t get more personal than this. I was moved by Sarah McBride’s struggles to come out of her closet, to admit she was transgender, and her fight for trans equality.

This is also a powerful love story and a tale of coping with the disease of her husband. McBride’s tireless work politically is a story that I totally admired, for it is one that helped advance equal rights for all in the USA. I was moved by her very real and heartfelt story.

There is a dark undertow to this book that I didn’t detect in its early pages. Once I was a third of the way through, I was hooked. It’s the story of Wendy, a trans sex worker living through a bracing Winnipeg winter, but it’s also a uniquely queer examination of trauma and abuse offset by the value of family and community.

Her chosen family is produced by circumstance, but it grows its own unique qualities. Meanwhile, her attempts to have a relationship with her father eschew cliché as she reimagines that connection on her own terms. She’s bright and gloomy at once, humorous, curious, and imperfect. Her story is a visceral one; she stuck with me well after I finished it.

Although we’ve never met in this sprawling metropolis, I feel a kinship with Ivan through their writing and history. We’re both from rural upbringings and have inhabited the gender spectrum in non-binary tomboyhood, and shared what could be called “same-sex attraction,” if we believed that it was as simple as some believe it to be. Ivan’s memoir gave me a mirror to see the struggle with gender from the assigned female-at-birth (AFAB) side as I was working towards the middle from the AMAB side. I hope to write one day with as much honesty and potent imagery.

This is the first book I discovered that helped me understand what was happening to my daughter after she told me she identified as “trans.” I learned about the vulnerability of girls to social contagions by peers and social media influencers.

Although I was baffled by reading that gender-affirming care doesn’t address the root cause of a girl’s distress and instead helps her rush into a medicalized model with long-term, adverse health effects, it confirmed my family’s experience.

This book boosted my confidence to advocate for young people to address and heal what lies beneath the proclamation that they were born in the wrong body, and it also helped me understand the potential damage caused by gender drugs and surgeries.