100 Books Like Narcissism

This is, in many ways, the book that introduced the concept of flow to the world. I’m in awe with Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. While I never got to meet him, I imagine he was a most wonderful person–wise, curious, thoughtful, kind, warm, approachable, creative, quiet, yet profound.

I agree with almost everything he wrote, and I think his ideas about happiness, flow, and the meaning of life were spot on.

I loved this book so much because I was blown away by the unconscious roles all of us tend to take on in life that don’t serve us–that lead to unnecessary drama and drained interactions. This book was funny, and I laughed out loud a lot at the roles/scenarios like “mailman” or “firefighter” because they were so simple in concept, and also I was so unaware that these behavior patterns existed–even in my own life–many of which I fell into if I wasn’t aware of how I was interacting and not taking responsibility for my communication. 

While the read is somewhat academic, Berne uses these “games” to highlight how drama can zap our energy or best intentions, and instead, we end up feeling inferior, superior, or like children even when we’re fully capable as adults.

If you are wondering how you keep getting into the same drama professionally or personally… show more.

This book is based on the science of Positive Psychology, not just helpful tips from someone nice.

Since 1980, lots of serious research has been done on what behaviours and mindsets really make people happy – and the results are all here, in this clear, well-presented book. I dip back into this book regularly.

This isn’t the easiest of reads, but it is the Real Thing – the work of the man who discovered the Triangle itself.

I love its density and the fact that I can come back to it over and over again and find new ideas. Dr Karpman’s long experience as a working therapist speaks out from every page. 

I’ve found so much value in this book; it’s one of my most recommended titles to both friends and clients.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people feel “not good enough” and the impact this has on our lives. Some of the most challenging feelings, such as guilt and shame, frequently emerge out of complex early life family dynamics, and more subtle forms of emotional neglect associated with narcissistic personality disorder can be incredibly difficult to disentangle.

The ”a-ha” moments in this book, especially emerging from the case studies, shone a light on feelings of insignificance and how to heal the inner child.

Whether trying to finish an email or a book, I feel Dorothy Parker’s words deeply: “I hate writing,” she is purported to have said, but “I love having written.” 

In this book, protagonist Jacob Finch Bonner does Parker one better. Stuck after his well-received first novel, he takes someone else’s story and passes it off as his own. Korelitz unravels the dire consequences, though with fizzy, suspenseful glee rather than scared-straight preachiness.

Bonner may not be, as he tells himself, “a great writer,” but Korelitz certainly is. It made me want to try to write again: hate, love, and all other feelings welcome. 

Malcolm’s book is as one-sided as Lasch’s, but for me, it was a breath of fresh air because it considers narcissism to be a positive rather than a negative cultural development.

It, too, couches its explanation of widespread narcissism in psychoanalytic terms, which I consider a plus. However, in addition to being one-sided, the way it considers an entire generation to be narcissistic bothered me as an overgeneralization.

Lasch’s critique of widespread culture-induced narcissism was recommended to me when it first came out by my mother, of all people. It hasn't held up well, but despite its one-sidedness, it still helped me understand the impact of capitalism on the Western psyche. 

Although it covers some of the same ground as Richard Sennett’s earlier Fall of Public Man, I really benefited from the way it couched its critique in psychoanalytic terms, drawing on the work of respected analysts Heinz Kohut and Otto Kernberg.

This book summarizes the contributions of Otto Rank, the brilliant and influential psychoanalyst. Rank focused on two core psychological motivations, the desires for psychological security on the one hand, and for stimulation, growth, and creativity on the other. His work illuminates how these desires often work in concert but also often can be in opposition over the course of the lifespan, contributing to guilt, anxiety, and stunting growth. Rank’s analysis inspired the development of both existential psychology and humanistic psychology. Rank’s approach to psychological well-being is based on accepting and even affirming the limitations of life, understanding what you really want in life, and developing the will to move creatively toward achieving those goals so that one can live an authentic and satisfying life.   

Before I studied psychology, I wanted to know more about it, so I read this book. I loved how well-written and informative it is. Whether or not you end up taking Freud seriously isn't the point. Knowing about his ideas is the point because, rightly or wrongly, they underpin a lot of ‘everyday’ thinking in Western societies.

Even though Freud is no longer at the heart of mainstream psychology, his ideas remain intriguing. I am by no means passionate about psychoanalysis. Quite the opposite, in fact. What I am passionate about is the thoughtful consideration and exchange of ideas among people who may or may not agree with one another.