Books like Loving What Is

Few books have reminded me more powerfully that our circumstances and our inner life are not the same thing.

I first read Man's Search for Meaning years ago, and its impact has only deepened over time. Frankl's willingness to look directly at suffering without becoming defined by it challenged many of the assumptions I carried about happiness, success, and what it takes to live a meaningful life.

I return to this book because it continually reminds me that meaning is not something life hands us once everything finally goes our way. It is something we discover in how we meet what life places before us.

During difficult seasons of my own life, Frankl's perspective helped me remember that even when we cannot control our circumstances, we still have a relationship with how we respond to them. Few books have given me more courage, perspective, and hope.

This book captivated me from the first page.

A gorilla places an ad in a newspaper: “Teacher seeks student.” The narrator responds, and what follows is a Socratic dialogue that dismantles the deepest myth of our culture—that humans are separate from nature, exempt from its rules, destined to conquer it.

Quinn spent decades writing and rewriting this book. It won the Ted Turner Prize for the work of fiction most likely to change the world—and it did change mine. He exposes a cultural story so old and so taken for granted that we don’t even know we’re living inside it. That’s the most dangerous kind of myth.

I tracked him down after finishing it and discovered he lived in Austin, where I lived. He and his wife, Rennie MacKay, became friends with my wife, Amy, and me. We shared many dinners and many conversations. I miss him dearly.

This rocked my world.

As an analytical person, I loved Carse’s precise logic—that every human activity can be seen as either a finite game, played to win and end the game, or an infinite game, played to keep playing. Simple. Devastating.

What stopped me cold was seeing myself in it—when I was playing to dominate, demean others so they’d shrink, and I could feel bigger, transacting rather than connecting. Carse gave me a framework to see that honestly, and to choose differently—to play to connect, to stay in the game with everyone around me.

I have never seen life the same way since. The ideas contributed profoundly to my work on personal and shared responsibility, especially in consulting with teams and leaders.

Hawkins is my favorite scientist-spiritualist—and the only writer I’ve found who succeeds at being both at once.

This is the most powerful book I have ever read—and that includes the Bible. When I first read it, it was too much. Too dense, too confronting, too world-changing to absorb and apply. I could grasp it conceptually, but couldn’t live it yet.

It took becoming ill and turning to consciousness growth as a path toward healing before I picked it up again. That second reading changed everything. The Map of Consciousness became my most important tool for understanding human behavior—mine and everyone else’s. 

As an applied behavioral scientist, I have since become deeply versed in his body of work and feel compelled to teach it. I have never found a more complete explanation of why humans do what we do.

If, like me, you’re a fan of Studio Ghibli films like Spirited Away or Ponyo, then this graphic novel is for you. It not only tackles a story revolving around growing up with magic but it adds in many other things that many of us have struggled with such as family expectations, living up to your potential, and more. Of course, everything feels a little more exciting when magic is added to the mix, but those themes that exist in the real world ground this story and allow for a strong connection to Sophie, our young protagonist.

I loved Taran Wanderer because I felt like I was walking alongside Taran as he searched for who he truly was.

I connected with his doubts, his mistakes, and his longing to belong somewhere. I found myself inspired by the people he met—craftsmen, farmers, wanderers—because I, too, learned that identity comes from the choices I make, not from where I come from.

I admired Taran’s courage to keep going even when answers didn’t come easily. I carried his lessons with me: that I can shape my own path, and that my worth lies in the life I choose to build.

On School Sports Day, an exuberant girl is already planning her celebration because she knows she is going to win. When she loses several competitions to another girl, she is anything but gracious as she makes excuses and decides sports aren’t her thing. She wants trophies and ribbons so she competes in a spelling bee and dance contest and loses – to the same competitor! Our narrator is mad but when she sees her nemesis lose and happily congratulate the winner, she begins to understand that winning isn’t everything.

Filled with humor and whimsy, this is a book where children can easily identify good and bad sportsmanship as they come to realize that doing their best is what really matters. It also shows that everyone has special talents – they just need to practice to get better.

I Don’t Want to be a Frog is a hilarious conversation between a young frog and his dad. When the young frog wants to be a cat, rabbit, pig, owl, or really anything but a frog, it’s up to his dad to stay calm and remind him why it’s so great being exactly who he is. I love that the dad is so matter-of-fact. That he never loses patience, and he never tells his son to just stop. True dad love is sometimes as simple as being there and answering questions. Oh, and the awesome ending will crack you up! Such a fun book.

Gail Carson Levine has been one of my favorite authors all my life. She and my maternal grandmother are jointly responsible for my deep obsession with fairy tales.

While Ella Enchanted is more well known, Fairest is my favorite of her fairy tale novels. It’s a Snow White retelling that made me truly fall in love with the main character. Aza’s insecurities felt real to me, and I loved the twist that she is not fairest in all the land because of looks but, rather, because of her voice.

This story breaks me down and builds me back up again. I’ve reread it many times and intend to reread it many more.

Did anyone ever call you names? Did you ever call yourself names? I loved this book by Abby Cooper because its clever concept examines the impact of peoples’ critical words and thoughts, including our own. We learn that when kids insult a middle school girl named Elyse, an unusual condition causes their words to literally appear on her arms and legs as temporary tattoos.

Like every book I hold dear, this touching story unfolds as we accompany our ever-so-relatable heroine on her journey of self-discovery and empowerment.