Books like How to Stay Together

It should have been required reading for me in premarital counseling because it would have provided the template I lacked and failed to construct for myself before getting married. It also would have provided me with a blueprint for what it was going to take in the years ahead to remain together with my children’s father.

Because it was so profound to read in hindsight, I’m thinking of how much foresight it could give you while there’s still time to save your family. One sentence of this book could save your marriage. 

The wisdom just permeated my soul like a healing balm, weaving its way into the broken, sharp pieces and reassembling them into a mosaic, as if the truth was enough to restore the damage.

For instance, just knowing that we are to live for the other, we can’t look to our spouse for what only God can do,… show more.

This first book gave me the necessary perspective to consider the impact of divorce on my children’s entire lifespan, not just their childhoods.

It lays the groundwork for what legacy we’re breaking, since hopefully your children are young and you’re still married. I never once thought about how divorce when my three children were small would influence the nature of their adult intimate relationships and ability to navigate marriage in their future, even though I had direct experience with it influencing mine.

This is the spell breaker of all the divorce books. It will snap you out of any trance you’re in that might be preventing you from factoring in your children’s lives. It was the first time an author spelled out to me how divorce impacted me as a child and young adult, and it explained so many reasons for my behavior in relationships, especially fear of commitment.

I… show more.

I have to include the best-selling book of all time, the Holy Bible, in my toolkit for breaking divorce legacy because the Word of God is so powerful. Choose any Bible, but I chose this version because it’s aimed at the 12-step recovery movement.

Addictions ruin intimacy, and in today’s world, we can be addicted to anything, and it won’t appear problematic. Reading romance novels can be an escape from your marriage, especially if they suck up your actual sex life like a vacuum. But this Bible connecting 12-step recovery to Scripture provides the power necessary to carry out the will of God in family life and break all chains, not just the divorce legacy. 

I’m on my third round of book study using this Bible and in a monthly club with it now, and it’s a deeper experience of God every time. I can say with conviction that as… show more.

If you want to bust a divorce legacy, do it with basic instructions for dismantling dysfunction in a textbook devoted to creating a healthy family legacy.

I came from divorce and also divorced as an adult, but I did learn in time not to divorce again, and this one book paved the way for me to get married in the first place, stay faithful for 16 years, and raise three beautiful children successfully with their father in shared custody.

Watch out for the pothole I stepped into: I focused so much on recovery from family alcoholism that I didn't stay cognizant of the hard work it would take to stay married longer term. In other words, this book is for any family dysfunction, not just alcoholism. 

This one book taught me to love my broken inner child: She was mute, mad as hell, and wanted to write. What I didn't… show more.

I love adventures with a plot that has a lasting impact on the protagonist. I like seeing growth and altered viewpoints as characters cope with overwhelming challenges. Fourteen-year-old Aria Edwards is a perfect candidate for change as she busts out of convent life to attend the Keeper Academy, which is all she’s ever dreamed of.

I sympathized as she learned that life isn’t always what she wants it to be, and I cheered her on as she slowly and painfully changed into a girl who earned my respect. I’m sure writing this debut novel was a life-changing experience for its teenage author, too.

As a Christian, I struggled over the stigma and guilt of going through a divorce. I worried that I somehow disappointed God.

Then I found Mark’s book, which offered a unique twist on how filing for divorce can sometimes be a “tough love” strategy to “wake up” a straying partner. Useful for believers who have co-dependent tendencies (like myself) or are in churches that encourage betrayed spouses to tolerate the intolerable.

This book offers a rationale that can empower a faithful spouse to draw a clear line in the sand: “Choose me or your wrong behavior – you can’t have both.” This concept increased my sense of self-respect. Mark is a seminary graduate and family mediator. 

I found this a terrific book that weaves the author's personal story throughout her writing.

I appreciated her honesty regarding her own struggles and imperfect reactions to the loss of her marriage. She handily debunks some of the lies we believe about ourselves when we go through an unwanted divorce. I was inspired by the ways she relied on God without feeling she was over-spiritualizing her journey.

One of the most authentic authors I have read on this topic. I admired how transparent she was about her mistakes and successes in parenting her children through the process. Insightful and encouraging. Not your average nonfiction book on divorce.

If you have children, this book is a great follow-up to the parenting section of my book Peace after Divorce. Based on his professional experience as a therapist and researcher Dr. Emery shares important steps you can take to see that your children become well-adjusted and thrive. I’m impressed with the depth of his insights and feel that parents who read this book will be better able to navigate the tricky pitfalls of parenting through and after divorce. Stories of families illustrate his points and make this book an interesting read as well as a rich resource for those who want to minimize the negative impact of divorce on their children. This is the only book on my list not from a Christian perspective but it is good for parents.

So many women have silently suffered abuse for years in the name of trying to do what they believe God would have them do. Sadly, their well-meaning efforts, and at times misunderstanding of the Scriptures, can actually feed the destructive cycle in their marriages. In this book, Leslie Vernick reaches out to the reader with practical strategies for recognizing emotional abuse and taking steps to break free of its bondage. She outlines what needs to happen for hope to be restored in a marriage and shares how to leave if the cycle of destruction continues. Many women I’ve worked with through my groups and Peace after Divorce Workshops have cited that this book literally saved their lives.

Divorce is a devastating experience, especially where ending a marriage is viewed as a separation, not only from your spouse, but from your church as well. In God, the Devil and Divorce, Linda M. Kurth shares her personal divorce journey in spite of the opposition of her community of faith to escape the pain of an abusive marriage. She emerges triumphantly as a trailblazer for Christian women enduring spousal abuse, offering hope and reassuring them that life goes on—and happily.