Books like Adult Children of Alcoholics/ Dysfunctional Families

It should have been required reading for me in premarital counseling because it would have provided the template I lacked and failed to construct for myself before getting married. It also would have provided me with a blueprint for what it was going to take in the years ahead to remain together with my children’s father.

Because it was so profound to read in hindsight, I’m thinking of how much foresight it could give you while there’s still time to save your family. One sentence of this book could save your marriage. 

The wisdom just permeated my soul like a healing balm, weaving its way into the broken, sharp pieces and reassembling them into a mosaic, as if the truth was enough to restore the damage.

For instance, just knowing that we are to live for the other, we can’t look to our spouse for what only God can do,… show more.

This first book gave me the necessary perspective to consider the impact of divorce on my children’s entire lifespan, not just their childhoods.

It lays the groundwork for what legacy we’re breaking, since hopefully your children are young and you’re still married. I never once thought about how divorce when my three children were small would influence the nature of their adult intimate relationships and ability to navigate marriage in their future, even though I had direct experience with it influencing mine.

This is the spell breaker of all the divorce books. It will snap you out of any trance you’re in that might be preventing you from factoring in your children’s lives. It was the first time an author spelled out to me how divorce impacted me as a child and young adult, and it explained so many reasons for my behavior in relationships, especially fear of commitment.

I… show more.

This book is jam-packed with the maturity I lacked, so I felt it was handed to me like a desperately needed meal. In fact, when reading it, I felt I was growing up chapter by chapter. Perhaps it was because I was so ready to be made new.

The timing when reading this book came after the understanding of the legacy I wanted to break, and then learning more about commitment, so this one made me want to rise to the challenge.

I think this book gives the courage and fortitude required to stay married. If you get just one of the good qualities of a marriage going, you’re in the game and ready to play more. 

This book is so easy to apply to real life because of the way it’s written. It clearly spells out the objectives as well as the steps to take to really engage with… show more.

I have to include the best-selling book of all time, the Holy Bible, in my toolkit for breaking divorce legacy because the Word of God is so powerful. Choose any Bible, but I chose this version because it’s aimed at the 12-step recovery movement.

Addictions ruin intimacy, and in today’s world, we can be addicted to anything, and it won’t appear problematic. Reading romance novels can be an escape from your marriage, especially if they suck up your actual sex life like a vacuum. But this Bible connecting 12-step recovery to Scripture provides the power necessary to carry out the will of God in family life and break all chains, not just the divorce legacy. 

I’m on my third round of book study using this Bible and in a monthly club with it now, and it’s a deeper experience of God every time. I can say with conviction that as… show more.

I value how Jeff writes honestly about addiction in the context of a life of service.

I have seen how responsibility can hide private struggles. I recognized the isolation and slow loss of identity he describes.

What stood out to me was his focus on repentance as the turning point, rather than on willpower. His story reminded me that real healing begins with surrendering our will to God, not to our own personal strength.

I loved the Glaswegian (quasi-Irish!) voice of Shuggie Bain, but what I will always remember it for is its gut-wrenching depiction of the consequences of poverty and alcoholism for the titular child character. 

There were times when I was reading this novel that I literally flinched from it. It’s one of the most poignant times that I can remember having such a visceral reaction to a book. 

What I found truly remarkable was the book’s sense of simultaneous inevitability and hope. At once, I felt that there was only one possible end for Agnes and Shuggie, and yet I also somehow believed that both characters would escape their miserable situation.

This idea, that hope sustains even against the most improbable odds, accesses something fundamentally human. A book that can do that is one I would recommend any day.

Jim Thompson’s novel is arguably San Diego’s greatest classic noir work.

While not a crime novel, it captures wartime San Diego through the glass darkly, and I was moved and unsettled by Thompson’s unsparing forays into the alienation of those who were the most exploited in the city.

I resonate so deeply with Craig’s journey. His ability to maintain a thriving career and family life while sliding deeper into addiction for two decades was so relatable and inspiring.

His refusal to conform to the stereotypical image of an "alcoholic" echoes my own sentiments, and his courage in sharing his story is truly remarkable. This personal connection made his story a source of genuine inspiration and joy for me.

I loved the book because it’s an insightful window into the challenges of a troubled community, the native Indians, who are still haunted by the painful past and face an uncertain future. I loved how the writer picks the thread of stories of many characters who have chosen to live outside reservations and then knits them all together in the end.

Unique characters with unique stories and strong evocative writing make There There a remarkable debut.  

Before I knew Leslie Jamison as one of my favorite contemporary essayists and spotted bylines in the New Yorker, she wrote this memoir/cultural biography of alcoholism, which, if you’ve ever read books about alcoholism, is different and bold and brave and shining like a new dime different than all of them. 

Jamison and I are both veterans of 12-step programs. And most of our tribe has read enough memoirs of addiction and seen enough movies of the same to last us about 3 lifetimes. But Ms. Jamison goes one very important step further, telling the stories of famous authors she idolized who made being drunk all the time part of their image and work and then asks the very important question “Why are only male authors allowed to be sloppy drunks and have it be charming instead of dangerous and pathetic?” 

I love these kinds of questions, and I love… show more.