Books like Fifty Years of Polyamory in America — picked by fans

I have found this book to be essential reading for my own life as well as in providing culturally-competent and effective counseling for clients in my private practice. 

Rowman and Littlefield has been a pioneer in publishing books with accurate and up-to-date information about consensual non-monogamy, LGBTQ issues, and kink and BDSM relationships. This is especially important as they make these books available to universities and other institutions that are training therapists and psychologists so that these clinicians will be qualified to work with these specialized populations that are so often misunderstood and cannot find appropriate mental health services. In addition, these books are written so that the layperson can understand and benefit from them. As a result, individuals who are seeking guidance and information about alternative sexualities and non-traditional relationships can easily utilize these books in their own lives.

Dr. Deborah Anapol wrote what is recognized as the first… show more.

By the time Dr. Anapol wrote this book, a mainstream publisher like Rowman and Littlefield was willing to publish on this controversial subject. The book explains why some people choose relationships where they and their partners have the freedom to have multiple sexual and/or love relationships, as well as providing a primer on how to conduct such relationships ethically and honestly. While Anapol’s first book provided guidance and tools for successful polyamorous relationships, this book benefits from being written 20 years later, when a lot more people were openly practicing polyamory. As a result, she was able to interview many people who had created happy and healthy open relationships and could offer their hard-earned lessons and advice. Many of her interview subjects tackle the tough subject of jealousy, which is the key obstacle for most people in making polyamory work. They offer some fresh perspectives and approaches to managing and… show more.

Another treasured book on my “polyamory bookshelf” is Martha Kauppi’s fantastic book, Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients), also published by Rowman and Littlefiled in 2020. This is the first and only training manual for psychologists and psychotherapists who want to provide highly-skilled therapy for polyamorous individuals, couples, and others in nonmonogamous relationship configurations. 

I have been waiting for over 30 years for someone to write this book! I receive calls nearly every week from confused and anxious therapists who have absolutely no idea how to provide counseling for clients who have come to them for help with their nonmonogamous relationships. I also frequently hear from individuals and couples who have gone to numerous therapists for counseling about their polyamorous relationships and the therapists have done more harm than good, due to a lack of training and knowledge about this type of relationship. Thanks to this… show more.

Another book full of great information and fascinating people is Elisabeth Sheff’s The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multi-Partner Relationships and Families. Sheff has been engaged in a nearly 30-year longitudinal study of polyamorous families with children, studying how children fare in these very non-traditional families. Her conclusion? Kids do as well being raised by poly parents as they do in any other type of family: they thrive as long as the parents are providing a safe and nurturing environment for them and giving them adequate love and attention. I recommend this book highly, as it has such in-depth interviews with both the parents and children in these unusual families, and you really get to know these families!

Her findings are very similar to those done by scholars studying children raised in LGBT families, demonstrating the truth of that bumper sticker that says, “Love Makes a Family.” Sheff has… show more.

I’d been saying, almost tentatively, that “sex is fun and pleasure is good for you” for years before I ever read this book.

So imagine my shock seeing that exact sentiment written in black and white, right in the introduction, by a renowned author. It was a genuine game changer. I finally had permission, in print, for something I already believed deep down but was scared to say out loud.

What this book did wasn’t JUST describe who my husband and I already were; it gave us language for it. It was the first time I ever heard of the word “polyamory," and my life has been forever changed. It’s often called the “bible of polyamory” for good reason, and I still recommend it to almost every client who walks through my door.

I also got to tell author Janet Hardy live on stage that their book changed my life… show more.

This is my favorite book about non-monogamy and polyamory; it uses attachment theory to explain our relationship dynamics. I particularly loved how detailed the book was. She described some of the self-destructive and less-than-ideal behaviors and thoughts I’ve had in past non-monogamous relationships and explained, “Okay, here’s why you’re likely doing this, and here’s how you become secure enough to do this stupid shit, no longer.”

I remember feeling very motivated after reading Fern’s book, as if I had an action plan for future relationships. Now—and hopefully, I’m not jinxing it here—I’m in the healthiest non-monogamous relationship I’ve ever been in. 

People who are non-monogamous often feel pressure to portray their relationships in the most positive light possible in the face of daily stigma, judgment, and pushback. Not so with Rachel Krantz’s Open. Krantz’s memoir takes the reader through the trials and tribulations of her first polyamorous relationship, refusing to leave out the gritty, sexy, and sometimes uncomfortable details. In addition to sharing her story, Krantz also includes relationship wisdom from a wide variety of perspectives—therapists, sex workers, and even a Buddhist monk. This book offers a refreshingly real take on polyamory, including the dark pitfalls as well as moments of unadulterated ecstasy and joy. 

Next Year, For Sure is the story of a long-time couple, Kathryn and Chris, and how they navigate a new challenge when Chris develops an attraction to a woman named Emily.

Much discussed and celebrated when it was published in 2017 as a “polyamory book,” Peterson explores that topic with great nuance, humour, and love, but there’s a lot more going on here.

Every character in the novel is searching for connection and a way not to be lonely—far beyond one romantic partner or more than one, they are looking for meaningful relationships of many sorts with other human beings and I found that their journeys went to some unexpected and fascinating places.

Whenever I’m working with clients who are trying to figure out if polyamory is for them, I always recommend finding a way to connect to real-life polyamorous folks. It’s so important to hear genuine stories from a wide variety of perspectives—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Going to a local meetup group is the best way to do this, but reading this book comes in at a close second. Dr. Eli Sheff, a researcher who has conducted several longitudinal studies on polyamorous families, presents this compilation of personal stories from many different folks in non-monogamous families and networks. These stories span the range from hilarious to heartbreaking. 

When people hear the word “polyamory,” many think of free love communes or wild sex parties. Not many people think of a suburban mom. Gracie X offers her story of discovering polyamory within the context of the average American family. Most importantly, the author shares her perspective on navigating non-monogamy while also raising children, a perspective that is sometimes neglected in polyamory discourse. If you have kids but also have an interest in non-monogamy, check out this honest take on the benefits and risks of practicing polyamory as a parent.