Will I love My Dark Vanessa?

The voice! The psychology!

I was captivated by the main character, who is so complex and nuanced and troubled. I will admit that, at times, this book edged up to “too dark” for me, but the realism of the voice and the way in which the fiction echoed hard, real truths about power and abuse kept me reading.

I haven’t read anything else that captures the simultaneous depth and shallowness of adolescent psychology so well.

What struck me most is that Russell flips the usual script: instead of everyone telling the victim "this didn't happen to you," everyone is telling Vanessa "this did happen to you."

But she can't admit it. Not even by the end. She clings to the belief that she had power in the relationship with her instructor to avoid the horror of how powerless she actually was. Even though it derailed her life and career.

I couldn't grasp what happened to me either. And in a lot of ways, no matter how much data I've gathered or what literature I've studied,… show more.

This book is a haunting and provocative exploration of power, manipulation, and the lasting scars of trauma. Kate Elizabeth Russell masterfully delves into the nuances of coercion, consent, and the ways in which trauma can shape identity, crafting a deeply unsettling yet unforgettable narrative that lingers long after the final page.

When I finished this book I had to sit in the dark and just process my thoughts. My next thought was to read the book again and to be seared all over again by the events. For an exploration of sexual abuse, it never succumbs to any gratuitous or… show more.

My Dark Vanessa is a highly compelling, if disturbing read. I loved the book as I related so closely to the idealistic fifteen-year-old Vanessa, who is groomed by her English teacher, Jacob Strane, believing him to be the love of her life.

The book opens to Vanessa at thirty-two, leading a lonely and unfulfilling life in a dead-end job at the beginning of the #MeToo era, when other girls come forward to accuse Strane. She finds herself torn: how can she do anything but defend him? Otherwise, she would have to admit to herself that their great love has been… show more.

I loved the shadow world of this book. How it was hard to determine if the relationship was indeed toxic or if the lust and hunger pointed truly to a love affair. It was sexy and disturbing at the same time.

It’s the relationship that fascinated me. The blurry lines between sex and love. Between grooming and real caring. And that even as an adult, the character doesn’t really know, and isn’t able to clearly understand how she feels. 

Hailed as the first novel of the #MeToo movement, Russell’s debut grabs you by the throat and never lets you go.

Vanessa Wye is a bright, insecure fifteen-year-old when she meets Jacob Strane, her magnetic and manipulative English teacher. Before long, their relationship crosses the line into abuse.

Beautifully written and emotionally gutting, Russell succeeds above all in showing the long tail of abuse. We watch as Vanessa loses her innocence twice; first, at the hands of Strane and later as she realizes that what she thought was a great love story was in fact anything but.

Sexual abuse that occurs repeatedly over a long period can be particularly hard to understand. Sometimes it seems like the victim has gone back for more and may be complicit in some way. My Dark Vanessa illustrates how abusers (who are often older and more sophisticated) groom their victims and it shows how it can take years for the person who has suffered to understand what they have been through.