Books like The Rested Child

One of Dr. Greene’s basic beliefs, reiterated often in this wise and compassionate book, is that “Kids do well if they can.” Instead of seeing their child as manipulative, attention-seeking, stubborn, controlling, or defiant, readers learn to understand that really, the child lacks some necessary skills: flexibility, adaptability, frustration tolerance, emotion regulation, and problem-solving. Using a combination of exposition, explanation, and stories from his decades of practice with troubled kids in many circumstances, Greene shows parents how to put the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions model into action. He reassures readers that—even if they’ve been doing it all wrong until now—there’s always room for growth and change, starting now. “Kids are resilient,” he writes. “They come around if we start doing the right thing.”

In Beyond Behaviors, Mona Delahooke makes a clear, strong case for parents’ self-compassion and for parents’ compassionate responses to their children’s “bad” behavior. Using solid brain science evidence and case histories from her decades of working with very challenging kids, Dr. Delahooke illustrates that children begin to thrive when they feel understood—not judged, not punished—when they lose control. The reader comes to see that misbehavior is a precious clue to a child’s troubled inner reality. A parent’s impatience, irritation, annoyance, or anxiety not only exacerbates the problem, increasing the child’s suffering, but is also a sad, wasted chance at providing the sense of security the child needs, which is a necessary first step on the road to doing better. 

Thomas Boyce not only has impeccable credentials as a pediatrician, academic, and epidemiologist, but he also has deep personal history motivating his writing of The Orchid and the Dandelion. That is, he not only knows this topic, he feels it. On top of all of that, he writes with a warmth and poetic sensitivity so often lacking in evidence-based books like this. Boyce writes about orchid children being exquisitely sensitive, so they absorb their environment and thrive under the right circumstances, becoming remarkably insightful and creative. Under adverse circumstances, however, orchid children wilt. Dandelion children, by contrast, are more resilient and can accommodate more adversity without showing too much harm. Another interesting dimension Boyce explores is how the family, school, community, and society can all have an impact on an orchid child’s development.

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka has been working with parents of difficult children for decades now, except she doesn’t think of the kids that way. Instead of ‘difficult,’ she says, we should learn to think of these kids as ‘spirited.’ When we want to describe our kids as irritable, negative, demanding, and strong-willed, she recommends that we admire their sensitivity, insight, confidence, and insistence on getting what they need. This book is packed with practical ideas for creating a peaceful and loving home environment, and for helping parents learn to soothe their own reactions to behavior that might otherwise be experienced as aggravating, trouble-making, embarrassing, and provocative. 

Our kids need nature as part of a healthy childhood. In this groundbreaking book, Louv describes the consequences of the indoor child, how spending time within the confines of four walls can be a kind of prison, removing children from active outdoor play and nature connection.

He coined the phrase “Nature Deficit Disorder” to illustrate the human costs of being disconnected from nature, a rise in anxiety, more obesity, less resiliency, and, in the end, less healthy children for a progressively less healthy world.

Thanks to the ideas in this book, all three of my babies, including one born with feeding challenges, have grown into capable and adventurous eaters. Child of Mine offers a wealth of evidence-based information on what to feed your baby and why, but the true gem is the how. The main principle, the Division of Responsibility, is simple yet powerful; it helps babies enjoy food, takes worries and struggles out of mealtimes, and brings joy (back) to the dinner table.

I know, I know – potty training might seem a long time off, but before your expecting friend knows it, the need to begin potty training will be upon them, and trust me it is not for the faint of heart. What better way to face potty training than to laugh through each chapter of this hilarious, brilliant book? With the six-step process shared in the book, we were easily able to get our daughter ready for daycare in plenty of time. So tell your friend to set it aside and believe me they will thank you later.

This was one of the first books I turned to when I wanted to simplify my working-mom-of triplets life! The hardest thing about simplifying my children’s lives was that I had to go against societal norms. Society tells us that kids need more toys, more activities, etc. This book (written by a family counselor and based on thorough research) gave me the confidence to say no to giving my kids a childhood of excess and yes to a childhood with plenty of open space, downtime, and room to create. My triplets are now 12 and I still refer to the lessons I learned from reading this book when they were toddlers. I’m 100% certain that reading this book helped me give my kids a more meaningful childhood! 

The first trans child we know of to self-identify and receive affirmative medical care was Ewan Forbes, whose mother accessed early testosterone treatments for him in the 1920s. A hundred years later, when I’m asked by parents for one book to understand the how’s and why’s of trans kids, Diane’s is my go-to recommendation. Based on her own real-life clinical experience, she sets out a spectrum of gender diversity, and shows how parents can support their children’s explorations and decisions.

Key to this is letting children define their own social presentation and activity, for as she puts it, ‘if we want to know a child’s gender, it is not for us to say but for the child to tell’. Diane demonstrates that this approach allows both child and parent to identify whether their gender expression is ‘insistent, consistent, and persistent’, in other words, the direction in which the… show more.

From the well-known author of Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts, this book gets straight to the heart of the matter. Through on-point illustrations, it shows tired and time-poor parents how having a baby impacts a couple’s relationship, what’s really going on inside both of them, what the big issues are, and how to get through this trying time together. Parents will see themselves in the pages and find reassurance that they’re normal, not alone and it won’t last forever. I can imagine couples sitting in bed at night and having a good chuckle, maybe a good cry, and then an even better cuddle afterward. I'm honored that renowned maternal mental health expert and author Karen Kleinman recommends Becoming Us for further reading.

Best for: new parents who don’t know which way is up and for therapists working with new parents who are struggling.