The best books that explore what it means to be a mother

This book made me laugh and cry in equal measure. Laurie Frankel writes about motherhood and families with such wit, charm, and frankness that I always feel like I’m being invited right into her characters’ lives, being asked to pull up a chair at their kitchen table. 

Through multiple perspectives and dual timelines, the story dives deep into the question of whether it’s genetics or dedication or love—or some complicated mix of all three—that makes someone a mother. I loved Frankel’s expansive perspective on the meaning of family, and the way she offers examples of biological moms, adoptive moms, and moms making unexpected choices, but all doing their best.  

At first glance, this doesn't seem to be a book about motherhood, but Vanderah beautifully illustrates how the word “mother” can be more of a verb than a noun. I raced through this story, captivated by the precocious child character, Ursa, and rooting for the accidental guardians who try to protect her. The questions surrounding Ursa’s sudden appearance quickly drew me in, but then the book became so much more than a mystery.

Joanna, the main character, has no biological children but very much becomes a mother to Ursa in the story. I loved the organic, natural way their relationship develops and how they each teach the other to love and trust again. The sweet, inspiring ending made me want to read all of Vanderah’s books.

This book describes the intensity of new motherhood so accurately that I was surprised to realize it was written by a man! It brought back memories of the newborn days with my own three kids, when I was drowning in exhaustion, anxiety, and breastmilk but also felt overwhelmed with joy and love. 

When the main character decides to step in and adopt a second baby—the child of her nanny, who dies in childbirth—we get to see how mothering is both the same and different when your baby doesn’t share your genes or even your skin color. I loved how the book doesn’t give easy answers to the sticky questions around transracial adoption but instead leaves the reader pondering. I read this one years ago, and I’m still thinking about it!

I couldn’t put this one down! I kept asking myself what I would have done if I was in the same situation as Sarah, who found herself accidentally kidnapping a child to protect her from an abusive mom. The story made me think deeply about whether biology or bonding should matter more when deciding who deserves to raise a child.

I love it when authors aren’t afraid to dive into the perspective of unlikeable characters, and I appreciated that Frey gives us chapters from the perspective of the biological mom, whose misery and overwhelm I found relatable even as her parenting choices made me cringe. 

I read this book during a camping trip with my family, and I got so sucked into the story that I kept sneaking off to read in the tent (which seems appropriate, given the plot). We’ve all read stories about husbands and fathers who hide secret second families, but in this case, it’s a mother who is secretly married to two different men. 

The story illustrates how mothers are human and flawed like everyone else, and it made me reflect on all the ways our culture expects women to sacrifice for their families. I found myself questioning what we mothers owe to our children versus what we owe to ourselves.