Books like The Museum of Lost Love

The rise of far-right movements and the attempts to roll back the rights of all women and the basic civil rights of Black people have been fueled by angry white men. Michael Kimmel’s brilliant book is a powerful critique of the hateful beliefs and actions of these men, but manages to speak about them with empathy. Because he also interviews men who have left neo-Nazi organizations, he leaves us with a very hopeful message.

I wept through the first chapter of this book. Again, it might not appear as a mental health book on its surface, but as I was invited into a deeper understanding of how culture, and specifically what we call ‘patriarchy,’ shapes us all, it shook me to my core.

This book helped me understand that this is a shared cultural burden and that while I might “benefit” from it, I am not strictly the ‘problem.’ As it relates to mental health, it helped me understand that the emotional castration our culture imposes on young boys who become men leads to anger, violence, and trauma, seen most evidently in the oppression of women. That trauma hurts us all and underlies almost all mental health issues. 

We all need more than buzz phrases and simplistic solutions. Parents, teachers, and coaches need a clear analysis of the harms we currently do boys. Michael Reichert draws both on his experience as a therapist and a teacher to give us tools to raise more self-aware, caring, and compassionate men.

I always get pissed off when I hear some guy ranting that feminists are anti-male. In fact, I think feminists are the most pro-male humans on the planet: in spite of 8,000 years to prove the contrary, they believe that men can be peaceful and loving, and can be equal and equitable partners with women. Liz Plank is one such woman. Her book shows exactly that.

This book is a typical first-person account of a student in a program (medical, in this case) who encounters some discrepancies between the idealistically-drawn portrait of how a medical school is supposed to operate and the actual realities in which jealousies, territoriality, and the ongoing scramble to acquire and defend power within the institution play a major role. The main character is naïve to such considerations until they are made apparent to him. 

Benjamin’s Half in Shadow is an excellent exploration of the life of Nellie Y. McKay (1930-2006), a pioneering scholar of black women’s literature. Fearing it could damage her career in the academy, McKay declined to be caricatured as an older, divorced, black single mother of two children. So, she hid this from all her academic colleagues and friends, including her closest ones. The driving force of Benjamin’s book is trying to make sense of the private life and professional motivations of McKay’s choice to live her life “half in shadow.” Benjamin suggests that black women in the academy face similar pressures to achieve in and conform to predominantly white spaces in ways that do not easily allow them to bring their entire selves into the light.

A short but beautiful book, full of wisdom, personal reflections, and compelling truths about men and masculinities.

This was one of the first books on men and masculinities to be published in the UK, and I read it in the early 90s. I found it profoundly helpful in guiding me to become a profeminist man. I particularly appreciate Tolson’s gentle but persuasive arguments wherein he deconstructs what it means to be a working-class British man, showing how ‘patriarchal masculinity’ gets created through, for example, family, relationships, institutions, work, and peer-group pressure.

The book is part autobiographical and throughout Tolson is openly reflective on his own masculinity and the contradictions it creates in him. I recently reread this book and was so impressed at how Tolson’s insights into the state of men over 50 years ago remain relevant to this day. 

Speaking of women’s labor, Verges, a French feminist theorist from the island of Reunion, opens this manifesto with a question that I think really gets to the heart of global feminist politics: “Who cleans the world?” This simple question, she argues, explains the fundamental connection between feminism and the other key struggles of our time—the fact that capitalism creates “invisible work and disposable lives.”

Starting from the lives of women in the global South, who are literally found cleaning up the waste of the global North, she reveals that feminism cannot be a fight for the women of the global majority unless it fights racial and economic inequality on a planetary scale. Verges also offers a compelling analysis of #metoo: opposition to gender-based violence cannot begin and end with a focus on individual perpetrators, nor can we allow it to become part of an agenda that criminalizes Black and brown… show more.

This collection of essays by pioneering feminist Gloria Steinem introduces the reader to the roots of modern-day feminism and the specific challenges Steinem and others faced to obtain what we consider today to be simple rights.

This book combines history, biography, and sociology, and Steinem captivated me with her clear and concise writing style, wit, and dry sense of humor. In addition to recounting her own experiences (such as her assignment as a reporter to pose as a Playboy bunny), she tells the stories of such varied subjects as First Lady Pat Nixon, Marilyn Monroe, author Alice Walker, and others.

I read this book shortly after it was published in 1983, and I read it again in 2020; both times I was shocked at the every-day indignities women faced routinely, and I was repeatedly encouraged by the bravery of Steneim and others to take on the mostly-male “establishment.”

Steinem reminds… show more.

Can we talk about how amazing Nora Roberts is? I started reading her more traditional romance novels as guilty pleasures when I was younger and quickly realized she loves to write about strong women. The O’Dwyer trilogy is part of her supernatural books, focusing on an ancient curse, a long-held obsession and the enduring power of love. Tucked in a small village in Ireland are a brother and sister, their American cousin, and their circle of friends. Together, witches, warlocks, and humans battle an ancient evil to break a curse that has plagued their family for centuries. Two of the main characters are separated from each other by the curse and their longing is so palpable. I don’t do spoilers, so you will have to read the trilogy to find out what happens.