Books like Parenting on Earth — picked by fans

This is a powerful memoir.

As a reader, we follow Paul first as a doctor and then as a patient. He reminds us of our vulnerability when seeking medical care. He questions, “Why was I so authoritative in a surgeon’s coat but so meek in a patient’s gown?”

When Breath Becomes Air is a deep meditation on life and the dying process. Written in the first person, this is a courageous and emotionally charged read. Kalanithi is a courageous pilgrim who documents first-hand his own uncharted territory: death.

Confronted with his end of life, this 37-year-old neurosurgeon reflects on the fundamental universal questions that we will all ponder when facing mortality. Even though the reader is led graciously to death’s door, it remains an abrupt and emotionally devastating shock when, in fact, Paul Kalanithi’s breath simply becomes air.

I was shaken by the power of Setiya’s writing. Academic philosophers are not exactly known for the beauty of their prose, but this book is, indeed, beautiful. And sad. And a bit dark. So basically, it was exactly what I look for in a book.

I was drawn in by Setiya’s early disclosure that he lives with chronic pain and that this would be part of his window into exploring suffering. As someone who also lives with pain (and who has tried to write about it), I found his reflections powerful.

His chapter on grief, too, stayed with me, so much so that I went back to it after experiencing a loss in my life. Perhaps that’s the greatest compliment I can give this book—that it truly made philosophy matter to me when I needed it to.

I love Kate Manne’s writing. In many ways, her first book, Down Girl, impacted me more, but it was published by an academic press. And my (totally made up, but I’m sticking to them!) rules for this list is that the books must be published with a trade press, so they genuinely intend to do philosophy with everyone.

This is Manne’s second trade book, but it is the work of hers that I found most immediately gripping, personal, and a bit haunting. As someone who has struggled with body image throughout my life and who has come slowly and haltingly to an uneasy truce with my aging and often disobedient body, so many of the stories Manne tells about fatness, fatphobia, and our cultural attitudes about body size hit pretty hard. 

Michael Schur is not a philosopher—he’s a comedian and the creator of the hit TV show The Good Place. Thus, since I am a professional philosopher, perhaps I’m supposed to be snide about the fact that Schur wrote a philosophy book. But I’m not. I really love the book, and I’ve recommended it to many friends who want a light and airy introduction to philosophy.

It’s funny and irreverent and does an impressive amount of really good philosophy. I laughed out loud while reading it, and even though I teach a lot of the fairly introductory material that Schur covers, I learned a lot just due to the breadth of what he discusses in this wide-ranging book. I came away thinking that perhaps more comedians should do philosophy!

Anxious Parents: A History of Modern Childrearing in America probes what I consider to be the basic dilemma of modern American parenting – how the love for children and concern for their welfare has led to growing anxiety among parents eager to do it right. 

In imaginative research into different dimensions of culture, Stearns shows that middle-class parents became increasingly self-conscious and self-questioning about meeting the needs of their children starting in the early twentieth century. The book probes the emotional consequences of modern parenting’s commitment to encouraging child expression and individual happiness.

Stearns’s exploration demonstrates one of the consequences of the revolution—from viewing children as having utility to having only emotional value—first defined by Zelizer. It suggests how even the best-intended changes can have unexpected consequences.

This book is the best, hands-on guide for how to talk to children that I have ever seen. It’s kind of like a how-to-talk to children for dummies.

It’s as though the authors spent years dissecting every aspect of what makes conversations between adults and kids go well and what makes them flop and then put that down in a book. And then the authors convey this information so clearly and concretely, including through the use of cartoons and worksheets.

The book also clearly exposes (in a humorous, light-hearted way) why certain ways of talking to kids fail. This is an old book but one I wish I had discovered before I had my own kids. I now intend to give it to all of my clients and friends when they become new parents. 

I loved reading Esther’s book shortly after mine came out because even though we didn’t know each other when we wrote them–and even though they are written very differently–we agree on every major point.

While my book is based on interviews with 70 other families, hers is based on her personal experiences: raising extraordinary children (the CEO of YouTube and the CEO of 23andMe) and creating the country’s largest high school journalism program. But we both agree on how to raise children: trust them, give them independence, teach them to have grit, and model kindness.

This collection of 11 essays, all written by different authors, surveys the most salient issues in the ethics of procreation.

I view the scope of this volume as its greatest asset: topics covered include (among others) the environmental case against procreation, arguments for antinatalism, the rationality of deciding to have children, the morality of adoption, and the scope of parental responsibility.

I consider this collection the ideal starting point for someone who, as I once did, wants a snapshot of the most foundational issues in procreative ethics.

Dr. Naumburg’s books, including this one, offer a fresh perspective on parenting.

In this book, she compels parents to practice radical self-compassion. I find her message comforting and welcome, especially in an era when parents get messages from literally everywhere about all of the things they need to do better. Ironically, our feelings of guilt and anxiety about parenting can actually get in the way of good parenting, so finding a way to tune out these voices is important.

Dr. Naumburg is here to tell parents to accept that we are human, that parenting standards are impossibly hard, and that we should be more understanding of ourselves. This just feels really good to hear, especially on the heels of the pandemic, and I think we all need this message.

This is the kind of book I frequently recommend to friends and clients. 

If you have read a parenting book or taken a parenting course in the last sixty years, chances are you have been influenced by the wisdom of Haim Ginott, even if you didn’t realize it.

He and his students, including the authors of How to Talk So Children Will Listen, set the groundwork for what is known today as connection parenting, conscious parenting, gentle parenting, playful parenting, and authoritative (but not authoritarian) parenting.

When my mom passed away and I looked through her books, I saw she had a first edition of Between Parent and Child, first published when I was a young boy.

When I read it, I felt a strong flash of recognition about the way she raised me. Ginott gets children, and he gets parents.