100 Books Like Forgiving the Unforgivable

As an infidelity specialist, I had read nearly every book on the subject of recovering from affairs. Impressed with her perspective, I attended a 3-day workshop intensive with Dr. Shirley Glass. I loved her approach to helping couples in the aftermath of affairs and it influenced my clinical practice. She believes in the notion of “no secrets allowed” in order to rebuild trust. Dr. Glass debunks the rationalizations about various kinds of infidelity and includes emotional infidelity as a violation of the marital bond. In my opinion, she does the best job of anyone of reducing the shame and blame of betrayed spouses and offers practical insights to the ones who stepped out of their marriages.

I found Gary and Mona Shriver’s true story a captivating read. They share their personal journeys of weathering and surviving Gary’s extramarital affair. Couples suffering from the impact of infidelity often feel isolated and alone. It helps to read a realistic yet successful story about a marriage similarly impacted by the trauma of infidelity. They are Christians and so this book is especially helpful for believers. I often recommend this book to both partners. I have found that faithful spouses really appreciate the book and hope their partners will grow to better understand their pain as a result of reading it.

Frank Pittman is a Systems-trained psychiatrist. He is very funny and down to earth. I enjoyed attending a workshop by him. This book is very pointed and challenges many of the rationalizations that unfaithful partners use to justify their affairs. One betrayer called it “the book from hell” (which was a good thing).  An entertaining read. Helps the betrayed person feel validated and provides common-sense realities to help formerly straying spouses in their journey to increased integrity in their personal lives. 

A terrific, candid book for both partners in a marriage rocked by an affair. They walk the reader through each phase of his infidelity and its impact on their marriage: the rationalizations, trauma, the fall-out, divorce, and eventual restoration of their marriage. Terrific insights, especially for the unfaithful. While Dr. Jay ascribes the key to their recovery as his wife’s constant love, I believe he overlooked another important factor: his wife stopping her tendency to over-accommodate, learning to set boundaries, and treating herself with more self-respect. It’s in the book but not credited as a significant factor in him wanting her again and motivating him to take a hard look at himself. Especially helpful for unfaithful men who are executives and travel a lot for work.

I absolutely love and recommend this book to anyone who loves a good mystery or twist at the end of the story. The main characters, three teenage girls, in this book are so well thought out, and every chapter shows the transition of their own thoughts and dialects. It taught me that appearances aren’t always what’s in the mirror, and how much young adults to the elderly struggle and grow throughout their lives. Overall, this book is a fantastic story and worth the read!

In a heartfelt story of redemption, Deanna Lambert was labeled the school slut after her father caught her having car sex with a high school boy. Unforgiven and dejected in a smothering, gossip-fueled small town, Deanna faces the people she least wants to face in a moving attempt to outlive her past, with no help offered by her dysfunctional parents and a sister overwhelmed with young motherhood. I loved the gorgeous realism of this book, fueled by the deep intimacy Zarr creates with her sincere, frank-hearted, narrator.

Maria Cantacuzino’s favourite emotion is forgiveness. I agree with her it is a powerful emotion and a good way to live. Maria founded a unique and important charity, The Forgiveness Project, which helps victims forgive the perpetrators of their crimes by understanding their back story, and gives perpetrators a chance to understand the feelings of their victim and apologise. There is a very close link between forgiveness and empathy, because when a victim forgives a perpetrator they are setting aside the immediate desire for revenge and hate, to understand the reasons why a person might have done bad things. And when a perpetrator apologises to a victim, they are no longer seeing the person as an object but can now see the person as a subject, with feelings such as pain and loss. Maria explores the limits of forgiveness and argues there are no limits, however awful the crime. Her… show more.

Although this book is less about slavery as it happened and more about what took place after the Civil War ended slavery in the United States, it is one of the best books I’ve ever seen that explains just how America still hasn’t recovered from its legacy.

This is one of those books where I kept underlining passages, such as one where the racist Southerner said that slavery was like an “apprenticeship” for “savage races” or how nostalgia for a romantic version of the Civil War poisoned our understanding of history. I want to read this book three more times so that I can fully absorb its wise lessons.

As we dive into the difficult work of enemy love and peacemaking, we quickly discover that loving someone often begins with forgiving them. And further, once you forgive someone, this opens the door to authentic friendship.

I have some comical memories of saying “bless you” to a particular bully in school as though this were a magic trick that would completely change the situation. While it may have been a good start, I now realize that forgiveness is more about an ongoing posture of the heart than it is about using “magic words” to fix everything.

This book doesn’t just show us how Jesus forgives us (through the story of Peter’s restoration), it also gives kids a roadmap to understand the deeper realities of forgiveness.

Nussbaum, a philosopher at the University of Chicago, is among the great minds of our era. In this book she shows – admittedly, at a slow pace – that ability to forgive is essential to individual love, political justice, and the smooth running of society. Today’s politics and social media cultivate recriminations, downplay the moment in which we forgive. Nussbaum describes a better way.