30 Books Like Dealmaking

I recommend this book because it taught me that every hard conversation has three layers: what happened, what’s felt, and what that means to each person.

Before reading it, I often got stuck on the “facts” and missed the emotional undercurrent, especially for my communication partner.

Now, I approach challenging discussions with a mental checklist from Difficult Conversations that helps me listen for what’s beneath the words. It has saved me from countless misunderstandings and made me a much better listener and collaborator.

It’s not either/or: You can get a good deal and improve your relationship with the other side, at the same time. I loved Getting to Yes when I first read it in Roger Fisher’s law school class, and I still love it today, because it taught me I could solve difficult problems or deal with difficult people, and do it in a principled way. Whether it is a transaction for a Fortune 500 company, negotiating for a raise, or working on an international boundary dispute, the concepts and tools are the same, and they don’t start by requiring the other side to lose. Whether you are a negotiation expert, or just starting out, start here.

Even if you have the best intentions heading into a conversation, powerful emotions can easily derail the entire interaction. You headed in wanting to stay calm, but something your spouse, co-worker, or fellow church member said triggered your hot button surfacing powerful emotions. Soon, voices are raised and feelings are hurt. How do you manage powerful emotions when they surface? If you’ve never read a book by the creators of the Harvard Negotiation Project—the leading experts in mediation—this is a must-read by experts who have had to manage the most difficult and potentially explosive conversations imaginable. They remind us that emotions are “powerful, always present, and hard to handle.” Yet, the authors offer practical ways to recognize the emotions you have heading into a conversation with someone you care about and how to deal with them once they surface. 

I was very fortunate to have a coach from the Covey organization for a few years named Andy Cindrich, and I’m forever grateful for his help to shift my own paradigms around trust. 

I’d been raised with the story ‘Losing trust is like a house burning down… you can try to rebuild it, but it takes 18 months and it’s never quite the same…’ Through The Speed of Trust, I learned managing trust is a skill. When we embrace trust falls courageously and sort through the gap and pain with care and intention, we end up grateful for the problems and issues that allow us to show our character, reinforce our values, and elevate relationships. 

I wish for everyone to have these tools in their pockets, not to maintain perfect trust, but to fix things fast when they inevitably get messy between us humans.

Samson’s one and only novel, The Auctioneer is a wonderfully unnerving tale of how a community can find itself completely hollowed out in a matter of a single devil’s bargain. Predating Stephen King’s Needful Things, this book is a literary garotte that slowly closes around the reader’s throat. The paranoia is palpable in these pages, believe me. 

Shadow Horse, part of the Shadow Horse series starts immediately with action and tragedy, a young female teen is arrested for the assault of her grandfather’s employer. This in part seems to be in retaliation for the strange and mysterious death of her beloved horse, Whirlwind. Her life spirals downward with her grandfather’s sudden stroke and her court-ordered sentence of house arrest. She is relocated to a foster family on an animal and horse rescue farm for supervision. I thoroughly enjoyed this book because it not only explores the extraordinarily complex relationships with horses and owners, but the problems involved with trusting again after a traumatic betrayal. And, if that was not enough, the writer intertwines all the above with a complicated who done it mystery involving horses which slowly puts the protagonist in dangerous, uncomfortable situations requiring her to find her inner strength and new allies.

While this book is written for lawyers, it is a must-read for anyone who is a professional negotiator. I love how this book stresses that traditional hard-bargaining negotiation tactics can lead to run. The book artfully makes the case that a lawyer should serve the client's interests rather than merely papering the deal or making sure the contract will win in court. I especially like the emphasis on the need to shift from conflict to collaboration and how Mnookin and his co-authors focus on not just negotiating the deal – but how to make a deal sustainable so it avoids a Pyrrhic victory. I was also glad to see the chapter on professional ethics – something many negotiators often overlook in their quest to get the best deal. 

3-D Negotiation lives up to its title – by showing that negotiations require a multi-dimensional (3D) perspective. My favorite part of this book is the emphasis that deals are unlikely to last when negotiations ignore the “spirit of the deal.” As Lax and Sebenius put it, "while parties can agree to the same terms on paper, they may actually have very different expectations of how those terms will be met. And because they fail to achieve a true meeting of the minds, the deal they've signed may well fall apart." Their solution? Negotiators need to look beyond the tactics (the first dimension) and make sure they consider the deal design (the second dimension) and the setup (third dimension). The authors provide a compelling argument about why negotiators fall short when they don’t consider all three dimensions. 

When I read this book for the first time, my reaction was “wow.”

Professor Rousseau helped me to appreciate that everything (really, everything!) related to work was malleable and negotiable. We can all be more proactive in co-designing our own work arrangements, so that we can be happier people and deliver better value to our families, employers, and communities.

I say “negotiable” but the book is not motivated by self-interest. The book focuses on idiosyncratic deals that help employees to leverage their unique strengths, so that everyone (including managers and coworkers) benefit from employee i-deals.

Professor Rousseau’s recommendations are firmly anchored in empirical evidence, so her advice to employees is spot-on.  

I am recommending this book because Ury turns the mirror on negotiators and gets them to look at themselves and why they do what they do at the negotiating table. This is critically important because I believe half our problems in negotiation are with the other party and the other half are within us. Ury gets people to really take this very seriously and to look in a place most ignore.