100 Books Like Adoption Is a Lifelong Journey

This book is the ONE book that would have helped me the most in the early days after I brought my adopted baby home from the hospital. My beautiful, healthy three-day-old baby was unhappy, fussy, and cried all the time. Little did I know that she was missing her birth mom. I was told by the adoption counselors that this baby was a clean slate, and I would do all the loving and nurturing and could raise her as if I gave birth to her. 

Verrier explained so much about how the wound that my child still carries with her today affects her behaviors. And she also gave me hope and insights that acknowledging the wound can lead to healing and hope even when the trauma cannot be erased. 

Reading this book, I felt like I was sitting on a comfy couch in the presence of a caring and wise therapist. I liked how Lori Holden shares her own open adoption experiences along with providing a world of well researched advice. Having lived two open adoptions myself, I thought I was an expert, but this book gave me some surprising ah-ha moments.

I found the book easy to navigate each topic and did not want to skip over any of them. I liked how this book showed so many examples of how adoptive and birth parents navigate openness. It reinforced that it is not about me (the adopted parent)—it is about the child! I loved that Lori reminded me that I am strong. 

Leah’s open adoption story had so many parallels to my own family's open adoption story that I found comfort and familiarity in her journey. I imagined my own adopted children’s birth moms going through many of the same thoughts and feelings that Leah described. I cried for Leah, for my children’s birth moms, and for all the birth moms. 

This was an emotional but important read for me. I especially loved the part toward the end where Leah was able to share her current relationship with her eighteen-year-old birth daughter. Adoption should always be about what is best for the adopted child, and Leah shares all the pain and joy equally. It solidified my own conviction that I want my children to get closer to their birth moms. 

I love this classic book because it provides practical advice to adoptive parents without guilting them. So much of what is written today in the adoption space can make an adoptive mom feel bad about or question themselves. 

Eldridge, an adoptee, explains what an adopted child might be feeling but starts by supporting the adoptive parents, too. For example: “I suffered a profound loss before I was adopted, and you are not responsible.” I found that to be refreshing and encouraging. I really like how Eldrige describes how an adoptee might be feeling and then follows it up with both the psychological explanation and advice on how to react to your child’s feelings. I found it to be well-researched, professional, and positive. 

As a therapist, longtime foster/adoption advocate, and fost/adopt mama, I’m always looking for books that help adults have healthy, child-driven conversations with kids. More than most, kids in foster care and adoptive placements need safe spaces to feel their feelings, navigate life changes, and experience caring adults. Debut author Whitney Bunker brings her personal experiences as a foster/adoptive mama and Executive Director / Co-Founder of City Without Orphans to do just that. We Can Talk About It shows kids that the healthy, supportive adults in their lives are safe places for the questions that will come, while simultaneously modeling for adults how to be that safe place. This book is just one of many beautiful ways Bunker and her organization seek to serve hurting but hopeful families.

Because…I adore multiple points of view. Here we get Marin, a foster child seeking clues to her past through the  I Ching; a beleaguered but loveable social worker; a woman longing for a child; an orphaned owl out of his element in the city; and the Earth herself. 

My favorite is Owl, who knows what it is to be abandoned and sees Marin as a hatchling he needs to protect. This is a short book with very brief chapters, but Crowder fills it with the wisdom of the ages (or is it the wisdom of owls?) I especially love how beautifully she handles friendship between generations and species.

After his adoption was finalised, 8-year-old Cai asked his mother to help him create a story to share with his friends, to explain his story, and together they used his words to create Reuben’s Story. The short, powerful story is written in “Reuben’s” voice, discussing the events that led to him being in foster care, then adopted. He talks in a matter-of-fact way, as 8-year-olds do, about things that 8-year-olds should never experience, and about his life after adoption. I initially bought this for my children, but read it myself first and found it incredibly moving. I recommend that all adoptive parents read it, especially those who adopted older children. 

Sandefer, a foster mama herself, wanted to give other foster parents words of comfort to give to their own hurting foster children. Love You From Right Here does just that. Kids in foster care have had so many choices taken from them. I love how this book gives some back. Sandefer has created a place where children can see another child’s agency protected and cared for, where the adult invites (instead of forces) and the child responds when he or she is ready. Sandefer’s story does a beautiful job of illustrating that trust and safety aren’t to be rushed, but developed through patience, kindness, and empathy. Kids and adults need this book.

I should have read this book years ago. This singularly brilliant memoir is an undoing of the most pernicious adoption myth: that which traces the success of adopted children to their new families.

In this case, a bright and talented young woman makes it out of the foster system before eventually going to Penn and becoming an accomplished journalist and professor, but her adoption out of foster care turns into yet another traumatic experience.

Ambitiously, Patton spins that trauma outward, expanding the background until it spans centuries. When, by the close, she makes the start of a career for herself, that triumph is pretty much hers alone.

This book kickstarts a conversation around adoption at a child’s level. Whether adopted or not, the child will begin to ask questions and find out more after listening to/reading this book. Written around two characters – a duck and a goose – it is invaluable for parents, teachers, and children. Professionals working in the field of adoption will find this book a useful resource as it deals with many difficult and emotive ‘adoption’ questions through the power of a story and beautiful illustrations too.