As a counselor and infidelity specialist for 33 years, I have had a passion for helping couples and individuals reconcile when possible or find healing for themselves in the aftermath of an affair. I never dreamed I’d go through this experience in my own marriage. Back then (1999–2001), few books addressed what I was going through. Most either focused on repairing a marriage after infidelity or general divorce recovery. Nothing addressed the combined traumas of suffering both infidelity and marital rejection in succession. That’s when I decided to write a book chronicling my own journey to health, two decades later.
A comprehensive guide for Christians addressing the unique grief, trauma, shame, and spiritual disillusionment that often accompany an affair-sparked divorce.…
I found this a terrific book that weaves the author's personal story throughout her writing.
I appreciated her honesty regarding her own struggles and imperfect reactions to the loss of her marriage. She handily debunks some of the lies we believe about ourselves when we go through an unwanted divorce. I was inspired by the ways she relied on God without feeling she was over-spiritualizing her journey.
One of the most authentic authors I have read on this topic. I admired how transparent she was about her mistakes and successes in parenting her children through the process. Insightful and encouraging. Not your average nonfiction book on divorce.
If you are reeling from a divorce you never wanted, This Was Never the Plan is a lifeline. - Steve Grissom, Founder of DivorceCare
Divorce brings a storm of emotions: grief, anger, confusion and shame. Yet while the ache lingers, life goes on.
Vaneetha Risner has walked through this pain. In this hopeful and honest book, she draws from Scripture and her own story to offer compassionate wisdom on...
Finding emotional clarity and letting go of shame Trusting God in the uncertainties ahead Healing relationally, resisting bitterness and finding community Nurturing hope for the future
This was the first “Oh My Gosh!” book that I read in the immediate aftermath of my unwanted divorce.
I couldn’t understand my extreme reactions to my husband’s affair and decision to end our marriage. I trembled all the time, suffered nightly nightmares, daily flashbacks, and found myself longing for the man who so profoundly injured me.
This book answered most of those questions. I have highlighted passages on nearly every page. The author is an abandonment grief specialist, and this book was pivotal in reducing my shame and my feeling so crazy.
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing
By
Susan Anderson,
What is this book about?
Like Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's groundbreaking On Death and Dying, Susan Anderson's book clearly defines the five phases of a different kind of grieving--grieving over a lost relationship. An experienced professional who has specialized in helping people with loss, heartbreak, and abandonment for more than two decades, Susan Anderson gives this subject the serious attention it deserves. The Journey From Abandonment to Healing is designed to help all victims of emotional breakups--whether they are suffering from a recent loss, or a lingering wound from the past; whether they are caught up in patterns that sabotage their own relationships, or they're in…
Gifts from a Challenging Childhood
by
Jan Bergstrom,
Learn to understand and work with your childhood wounds. Do you feel like old wounds or trauma from your childhood keep showing up today? Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed with what to do about it and where to start? If so, this book will help you travel down a path…
I found this to be an excellent resource for wives whose husbands had an unexpected change of heart and left the marriage, seemingly out of the blue.
Often traced to a midlife crisis. I respect the fact that Vikki is a psychotherapist with 40 years’ experience who went through this kind of loss by a formerly loving spouse. I appreciated how she identifies “Wife Abandonment Syndrome” in her surveys and offers practical tools to support a person’s recovery.
While I read her book long after my own experience, I wish I’d found it earlier. Although I am a Christian and she admits being a Buddhist in practice and faith, I found her insights useful and non-offensive, and I've recommended her book to many clients over the years.
Runaway Husbands
By
Vikki Stark,
What is this book about?
PLEASE SEE THE REVISED AND UPDATED 2023 EDITION OF THIS BOOK, WHICH HAS THREE NEW CHAPTERS. CLICK THE LINK ABOVE.
Based on a study of over 400 women worldwide, Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife's Guide to Recovery and Renewal, is the first book to explore and offer healing strategies to women whose lives have been turned upside down by Wife Abandonment Syndrome. Wife Abandonment Syndrome is a pattern of behavior on the part of a husband who leaves his wife out-of-the-blue from what she believed was a happy marriage. Following his sudden departure, he replaces the caring he'd typically shown…
I first fell in love with Michelle’s work through her interviews, podcasts, and blogs.
I appreciate how she integrates Attachment Theory with her training in working with sex addicts and their partners. While she has much experience helping both partners, this book is meant for the betrayed partners. It will help you overcome the shame of being an injured spouse.
This book helped me find language for aspects of my feelings and trauma I didn’t find anywhere else. It contains a treasure trove of wisdom from a trained professional who was once married to a sex addict. I highly recommend it.
The Betrayal Bind
By
Michelle Mays,
What is this book about?
What happens when your partner, your primary person, in an instant, becomes a source of danger and pain?
The Betrayal Bind introduces new language, concepts, and imagery to explore the crucial relational dilemma that betrayed partners face when their significant other is unsafe to connect to, yet connection is the key to healing.
Discovering a partner’s sexual betrayal spins your world out of control. In a split second, your sense of safety is shattered, your trust is gone, and everything you thought you could count on is in question.
Betrayed partners, whether dealing with an isolated infidelity or a pattern…
The Parent's Guide to Birdnesting
by
Dr. Ann Gold Buscho,
Based on research about how divorce can affect children, you will learn how to best support your children's resilience, as well as your own. For parents who are separating and want to put their children first, birdnesting could be the interim or long-term shared parenting solution you’ve been looking for.…
As a Christian, I struggled over the stigma and guilt of going through a divorce. I worried that I somehow disappointed God.
Then I found Mark’s book, which offered a unique twist on how filing for divorce can sometimes be a “tough love” strategy to “wake up” a straying partner. Useful for believers who have co-dependent tendencies (like myself) or are in churches that encourage betrayed spouses to tolerate the intolerable.
This book offers a rationale that can empower a faithful spouse to draw a clear line in the sand: “Choose me or your wrong behavior – you can’t have both.” This concept increased my sense of self-respect. Mark is a seminary graduate and family mediator.
Redemptive Divorce
By
Mark W. Gaither,
What is this book about?
A graceful, biblical way to reclaim sanity for the home and dignity for the suffering spouse in a dysfunctional or dangerous marriage.
Thousands of conscientious believers wanting to honor the sacred vows they took before God suffer in dysfunctional, even dangerous marriages. Each and every day they must choose between the lesser of two evils: divorce without sound biblical support or a life of perpetual, unrelenting misery. Somewhere between the secular disregard for the commands of Christ and the sacred unwillingness to deal with real problems of people, there is a way.
The redemptive divorce process is designed to honor…
A comprehensive guide for Christians addressing the unique grief, trauma, shame, and spiritual disillusionment that often accompany an affair-sparked divorce. Through true stories, memorable illustrations, and hard-won lessons, you’ll feel validated, understood, and less alone. Written by a professional who’s been there.
Linda helps you understand what happened to the spouse you thought you knew and how forbidden, powerful emotions fueled their rationalizations, rewrote your marital history, and drove their emotional detachment. Along the way, you’ll find spiritual comfort, freedom from shame, and a clearer understanding of what happened. By the final chapter, you’ll be encouraged to move forward with renewed faith and genuine hope for your future. God may not have saved your marriage, but He longs to redeem your story and your life!
A novel about becoming, healing and courage, which spans over 40 years, interweaving complex characters from different worlds, all gravitating around a common timeless axis: the desire for happiness.
Lia, a tenacious woman who has been working successfully on her own for many years, starts a new project, one that…
In a world filled with uncertainty, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by risk. But what if you had a guide to help you discern, reshape, and navigate the dangers ahead with wisdom? Facing Danger: A Guide through Risk is that resource. Drawing from her family’s experiences in perilous places, Anna…
