I have dedicated four decades to guiding couples toward deeper intimacy and understanding. My passion for relationship dynamics has driven me to teach couples courses for over 30 years, experiences from which my book listed below was directly inspired. Witnessing countless relationships blossom through improved communication and emotional connection fuels my enthusiasm. I have selected books for this list that personally moved and enlightened me, each contributing unique insights into cultivating richer, more fulfilling relationships and sparking genuine transformations in myself and the couples I've supported.
I like Gottman’s scientific approach. I also liked his honesty about the challenges couples have to handle personal criticism without becoming defensive—the fact that most couples, despite his workshop, nevertheless fail to do this when they get home.
That is, when they get home and the criticism appears, the wisdom disappears! This book helped launch my own personal efforts in my couples’ workshops to find a solution to this problem.
The revolutionary guide to show couples how to create an emotionally intelligent relationship - and keep it on track
Straightforward in its approach, yet profound in its effect, the principles outlined in this book teach partners new and startling strategies for making their marriage work.
Gottman has scientifically analysed the habits of married couples and established a method of correcting the behaviour that puts thousands of marriages on the rocks. He helps couples focus on each other, on paying attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Packed with questionnaires…
I appreciated this book's idea of 'relationship ceilings' and how we unconsciously limit our capacity for intimacy. I also liked its practical approach and practical tools that I could practice with my wife and modify for my own workshops.
I resonated with its emphasis on the importance of vulnerability and its association of vulnerability with courage.
Here is a powerful new program that can clear away the unconscious agreements patterns that undermine even your best intentions. Through their own marriage and through twenty years' experience counseling more than one thousand couples, therapists Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks have developed precise strategies to help you create a vital partnership and enhance the energy, creativity, and happiness of each individual. You will learn how to: Let go of power struggles and need for control; Balance needs for closeness and separateness; Increase intimacy by telling the "microscopic truth"; Communicate in a positive way that stops arguments; Make agreements you can…
Gifts from a Challenging Childhood
by
Jan Bergstrom,
Learn to understand and work with your childhood wounds. Do you feel like old wounds or trauma from your childhood keep showing up today? Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed with what to do about it and where to start? If so, this book will help you travel down a path…
I find this a fascinating book in part because it has an original concept of the “imago”. Hendrix’s concept of the “imago,” that we are unconsciously attracted to someone to heal old wounds, is not something I buy—that is, I don’t think it is usually true as a primary cause of our attraction—but I do think it is worth considering both in my own marriage, and also in the work I do with couples.
In Getting the Love You Want, Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen Hunt offer the relationship skills that have helped millions of couples replace confrontation and criticism with a process of mutual support that facilitates healing and growth at any stage of a relationship. This extraordinary practical guide describes the revolutionary technique that combines a number of disciplines - including the behavioural sciences, depth psychology, social learning theory, Gestalt therapy, and interpersonal neurosciences, among others - to create a program that transforms conflict into creative tension that deepens connection and renews passion.
I love Esther Perel’s boldness and willingness to help me and people in my workshops feel compassionate toward ourselves as we see the sexual passion in our relationships diminish over time.
Understanding that a good, caring, peaceful relationship is nevertheless like captivity, and sexual desire and passion do not flourish in “captivity,” and permitting myself to be more sexually adventurous at least in my fantasies, has offered a dimension of liberation. I find this one of the most liberating and original books on relationships I have ever read.
A New York City therapist examines the paradoxical relationship between domesticity and sexual desire and explains what it takes to bring lust home.
One of the world’s most respected voices on erotic intelligence, Esther Perel offers a bold, provocative new take on intimacy and sex. Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home.
Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel examines the complexities of sustaining desire. Through case studies and lively discussion, Perel demonstrates how more exciting, playful,…
Gifts from a Challenging Childhood
by
Jan Bergstrom,
Learn to understand and work with your childhood wounds. Do you feel like old wounds or trauma from your childhood keep showing up today? Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed with what to do about it and where to start? If so, this book will help you travel down a path…
I love how honest David Brooks is about his own challenges with opening up to people and really leaving them feeling seen and heard. As he reviewed many of his own inadequacies, it allowed me to review the ways in which I might be falling short of my own ideals to leave each person I meet feeling seen and heard.
Since I teach people how to do this in my own workshops, I was constantly able to add David’s insights to my own.
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A practical, heartfelt guide to the art of truly knowing another person in order to foster deeper connections at home, at work, and throughout our lives—from the author of The Road to Character and The Second Mountain
As David Brooks observes, “There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.”
And yet we humans don’t do this well. All around us…
My book offers seven practical ways role mates can become soul mates. For example, when criticized, almost everyone responds defensively. Via a “Caring and Sharing Practice,” couples learn how to experience their partner’s criticism as an opportunity to feel more deeply loved.
It also shows how to create a conflict-free zone; how to transform the “Four Depleters of Love,” or the “Four C’s” (Criticisms; Complaining; Complacency and Controlling) into four enhancers of love; how to play together; how to creatively appreciate your partner; how to create a Family Dinner Night without it becoming a family dinner nightmare, and eleven foundational soulmate wisdoms. Finally, you’ll learn how to make family members with opposing political views feel heard and respected.
